“Does not wisdom call, And understanding lift up her voice? On top of the heights beside the way, Where the paths meet, wisdom takes her stand” – Proverbs 8:1-2
How do I share my personal testimony here and my journey in Lighthouse without being brutally honest and to share my raw, life changing experiences? What I am about to go on to share may seem chaotic to the outside world but it’s the internal journey that’s most important and sacred. I’ve learnt things about myself and my brokenness that are essential for me to see and to face. I know in the wrong hands what you’re about to read will stir a lot of defensiveness and possibly offend (especially in a world that is becoming increasingly radicalised by the left). But my testimony isn’t meant for the wrong hands…for those easily offended. What I am about to share is for those that are truth seekers, those that are honest hearted individuals, who are in the pursuit of honest answers, truth and through that true joy.
My journey to Christ hasn’t been romantic in the slightest or comfortable…Instead it has been filled with facing pain and chaos. It was more of a rescue which all who come to Christ truly need. Deliverance really means to be rescued out of a dangerous situation. This is exactly what my journey has been… delivery out of the present evil age. All pleasures, treasures, ideas, values of mine have changed. Where sin is catapulting this world into destruction we must desperately separate the sin from the sinner. This is a passing world, nothing here will last, all the media place attention on all of this meaningless stuff that has nothing to do with anyones eternal soul! Life is not a ‘free for all’… it is the sin that is the problem not the sinner! We cannot forget to distinguish between the two! Anything else is spiritual neglect – help people by telling the truth! Be compassionate by leading to Christ when the world tries to lead away from Him! Truth over feeling. What truth do feelings carry? The distortion of truth and falsehoods I cannot stop, there will always be something that doesn’t stop someone else’s narrative!
One thing I know for sure is that when you go through trials, that’s then when you know if your faith is the real thing… Well, my trials have brought me to Christ. They’re gifts from God. God uses trials to affirm, confirm and draw you near.
What’s important to me is that I share the reality of where I have come from, why I am so broken, what drives my hunger to learn, and most importantly how to make my wrongs right with God first. I also know that a lot of people who will read this and those who hear about Lighthouse will try to pigeon hole us, and as a result will have no idea how to relate to us as a healthy growing community. We are incredibly unique, so I understand why the large majority will not understand and as a result cannot compartmentalise us. If your family is anything like mine, they’ll be threatened by the reality that comes from the answers to asking powerful, honest and healthy questions and will make up false hypotheses that Lighthouse is a cult through their dark fantasies.
I must say that I love my family dearly and pray for them every day. That does not mean that I tolerate abuse anymore and that I will allow myself to be continually violated. Those who have insisted on abusing, and violating me, I have simply chosen to minimise my contact with them and where necessary cut all ties. Trust me, these people know exactly who they are. This is my journey, and some of the findings that have shattered my delusions as a result of the 18 years worth of research at Lighthouse, over 40 years of research from Paul Waugh himself, and a lifetime of searching that has finally led me to Christ who has ultimately been at the centre of all this research.
Truth be told, my journey of discovery and seeking the support I desperately knew I needed led me to an incredible group of ordinary, yet courageous people looking for extraordinary results through asking the hard questions in the pursuit of absolute truth. There are few people who have the courage to genuinely venture down the narrow path of regeneration and truth. For this I am truly grateful to those brave souls who have come into my life to help me find the direction, and give me the guidance, love and support I so desperately needed.
“My hope is that these pages will encourage you to fight the good fight, for the honour of Jesus is at stake in every encounter, every thought, every relationship, every decision. If you have lost the fight and now believe that the Bible and the God who stands behind it cannot be trusted, I hope that you will find in the pages of this book the humiliating reality that we don’t measure up, and it’s never too late to repent -again- and turn back to the God who made you. Jesus understands you better than you understand yourself. Please take my hand and join me on this journey.” From ‘Openness Unhindered’ Dr Rosaria Butterfield
A little bit about me and the family life I grew up in…
Growing up as the third sibling of four, family life was anything but “normal”. Our house was located on the 500 Acre Wood on the Ashdown Forest. Whilst an idyllic location, surrounded by the stunning trees and wildlife, this house to this day carries memories of the broken fabric of our family home. My dad left when I was 8 years old and we would spend the weekdays with my mum, now a single mother with four kids, one of which is severely disabled. It was not easy for my mum at all. I felt for my mum, a lot. Home life was chaotic and there were plenty of pets from horses, dogs, cats, at one point even guinea pigs and budgies, not to forget the gorgeous, friendly and intelligent pig we adopted who had escaped from being hunted from the forest, named Gloria.
I always knew and felt that my childhood wasn’t typically average. My sister Gabriella, who’s 3 years older than me, brought a lot of love, care, and a sense of protection for her, but her condition also brought worry and concern along with it to our family as she struggles with severe epilepsy. One of the major things that is important to mention is the desperate need that children have to be parented by two adults who are committed to becoming the healthiest, and the best parents they can be. Whoever you want your children to be, as parents, you need to become yourselves.
With the seizures my sister suffered, combined with the fracturing of the family environment, we were left with trauma to be processed by us all. At the age of 8 my parents divorced. Both of my parents fought through a tough 10 year long divorce, which included countless court hearings. I mention this because this isn’t uncommon in today’s age. Divorce is rife, and children are being brought up in broken homes with new conjoined families. The fact is that this is on a steady incline. The fractured family home today in a Godless society results in a Godless family, which in turn breeds selfishness, hostility, uncertainty, and insecurity for all family members. For any child to be brought up in a toxic environment of ever increasing animosity and aggression between two parents arguing, and fighting without the healthy, sacred and safe environment that a family ought to be, it leaves a child foundation-less and fraught with fear, anxieties and inside in turmoil.
Every child needs the essential parenting to be able to process, heal and understand the stresses, the strain and the trauma of life. One such unique trauma that I was very aware of, (yet knew that the adults around me couldn’t explain) was the demonic, poltergeist activity that would occur at home. There were slamming loft doors, screaming through electronic devices, skips bursting into flame, and the icy cold atmosphere throughout the home. At a young age I became aware of the supernatural, along with the very family environment that ought to have been natural, but instead was fast becoming unnatural and unloving.
Most people do not realise that they are in a toxic family and if they do, they are far less ready to face that daunting reality! I know this first hand. What do children need more than anything? A foundation of fortitude, security, guidance, discipline, and reassurance, but essentially to be brought up and into the seat of their souls through the deep understanding and application of natural God given principles, and healthy values. If we are brought up by so-called “adults” who themselves have not learned to apply these principles and values, then quite simply, “the blind cannot lead the blind” and children need healthy growing adults, not old infants who are spiritually blunted or who have a spiritual scotoma!
Those who defend their position or role within the family at the expense of the truth, and therefore justify their toxicity are by definition, toxic! There are unsaid “rules” that go unspoken that subconsciously cripple a young developing child. The unspoken, but very real and felt threats of “do as I say and not as I do” suffocate a child or teenager, leading them into the depths of distrust. The majority of humanity still to this day remain what psychologists call “old infants”, which essentially means you’ve remained a child mentally, emotionally, and spiritually yet you have grown physically. This is a human tragedy and an illness that humanity refuses to acknowledge.
Life for me at school was tough. With so much going on at home, my mothers stress about the divorce, and worry for my sister, led to an overspill that affected the rest of us and as a child a large portion of that stress, concern, and ultimately responsibility was forced on to my young shoulders. Sport was my escape from my chaotic home life. What I lacked the most was somebody who was able to tune into me, I was not able to share my burdens and trauma of everyday life, and I didn’t know how to! My mother was too busy struggling to cope with her own emotional dysfunctions and financial stresses, while my father remained absent and was busy rebuilding his life. We all felt their struggles and as kids we were picking up where we could, but often this resulted in your preverbal guilt trips and feeling like an emotional hostage.
Am I parent-bashing right now? No, every human being beyond the age of 18 has the responsibility to seek the guidance, support and healing they need as a result of their own family dysfunctions. Tragically in today’s Luciferian world, those who are most lost in the toxicity of their families just cannot see how broken they are and that they have a desperate need for God.
At the age of 17 a family friend shot himself in our backyard, this was at the same time of my AS levels. Tim looked at me whilst standing on the steps outside the back door with both his dogs and our dogs waiting excitedly to be walked and said “you, enjoy yourself” with a pause and a look that made me naively think “but you’re going for the walk, surely you enjoy yourself?”. Little did I know that was his goodbye to me, and just 2 days later he fatally shot himself in the forest just behind our house. I felt hopeless, lost, and even more traumatised. I’ll never forget the feeling of despair sitting in one of my exams. I was feeling the pressure from school and broke down crying. I proceeded to write a desperate letter to whomever the poor examiner was who was about to receive my paper. I just needed to be heard and seen. I felt so out of my depth with so much bottled up inside.
When dad left home there was an emptiness! The streams in the garden stopped flowing, parts of the garden died and it felt like the house started falling apart due to the slow suffocation of the family home. Children inherently believe they are partly to blame when parents break up. At least that’s how I felt. I was left frightened and fearful of my dad and this was not helped by my mother who had a growing level of resentment for him. There was an emotional vacuum that was created between my dad and I, and as the years rolled on by extension I felt the same towards men in general. I didn’t have the capacity then to understand dad’s indignation towards my mother and I perceived him as unkind and threatening to both her, and I. With my essential teenage years starved of both maternal and paternal parenting, this shaped my entire view on relationships.
I ended up going to Oxford Brookes University to study Osteopathy which is what both of my parents studied. I remember wanting to find a vocation and to build a life where I could help people. I wanted to study psychology but was told that “I wouldn’t get a job or make enough money”. I know deep down I was just desperate for answers and guidance and just wanted to figure out what was so desperately missing in my life. Studying Osteopathy for me was a way in which to understand my parents too. Going to university at 18 and leaving home was a “freedom” from the guilt traps of “home” and I did little in the name of study and just took every opportunity to escape and party. It was my unhealthy way of trying to regain the lost years of my childhood.
What came with my perceived freedom was the blatant and hard hitting acknowledgment that I was totally ill equipped and unprepared for life. Basic levels of responsibility that we ought to be taught early doors were obviously missing. I had no idea about these gaping holes! I was reckless, chaotic and behaving like a juvenile delinquent. I was out to escape the emotional pain and turmoil of family life, not caring at all about who it affected along the way. I didn’t know that my immaturity and irresponsibility would affect those around me, you never do when you’re so self consumed. It was at university in my perceived “freedom” that I sought to meet the healthy needs that I had been starved of as a child, in what I realise now are totally destructive ways as I tried to fill that vacuum!
Hitting The Wall
My lack of direction and the burdens I was carrying from my childhood and teenage years had built up so much that my early 20s were sheer chaos. I experimented with the odd class A drug, and was on the path of self destruction. Lacking the essential upbringing I desperately needed, all I had were my child-like “coping” mechanisms which resorted to the simple technique of “avoid the pain at all costs”. I began racking up thousands of pounds worth of debt in parking fines, and it all came to a head at just 21 years old. The pressure that had been building up came pouring out as I started experiencing collapsing anxiety attacks with many trips to A&E.
I met my first therapist at this point who used hypnotherapy amongst other therapeutic methods. Therapy saved my life. My therapist was gentle, sensitive and listened. I couldn’t quite believe that this kind of help existed. My life that was so dark and felt so hopeless seemingly started to turn back into colour. I remember the burst of excitement to share what I was learning. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t found therapy sooner! It was from here on out I wanted to learn more. I went on to study hypnotherapy and counselling. I felt I had found my vocation…but without a single clue on life and business I was still left afloat.
After studying different forms of healing from Hypnotherapy, Reiki, counselling, EFT etc, I knew that I wanted to continue my pursuit in search of the answers to questions I was yet to formulate around what went so wrong in my upbringing and what was wrong with me. Little did I know then that my journey of discovery had led me purely down Luciferian paths. Then, at 23, I met Warren Vaughan and thinking that I could “add another string to my bow” I wanted to learn how to mentor.
The first thing Warren said to me was that before I mentor anyone I must learn to mentor myself and that always starts with being mentored first. This was just the beginning of many realisations for me as to just how lost I was and how I was lacking the basics in life despite being in therapy and having completed courses that I had attended. Lighthouse continues to help me immensely through all of my trauma. While I have up until recently received help outside of Lighthouse, had I not received the help, love and guidance from Warren, Paul Waugh and others within Lighthouse I would not have made the breakthroughs in my life and I would still be in a seriously compromised life situation oblivious on how to build a foundation for myself, my life, and my business which now serves others. I have always been encouraged to look for further help outside of Lighthouse where necessary and appropriate.
Even more recently I have felt the need not only for mentorship but for psychotherapy due to life changing events and for this I needed to go outside of Lighthouse. What has struck me and has become very clear, is that psychotherapy is in fact limited without Christ. And I don’t mean those who generalise all new age therapies and use terms like “Christ consciousness”. That’s false and a new age farce as it’s not seeking the true Christ Himself. Generally speaking today’s therapists have become increasingly uncomfortable when approached with the reality of their clients’ sins. I have been told “not to be disparaging” and “not to be self deprecating” in my very own soul searching and contrition. I have been encouraged to avoid the reality of my sinful and depraved ways and instead, not to be so hard on myself.
Without looking at our sinful, depraved and iniquitous ways you cannot truly heal. Therefore whatever guidance and support that avoids these fundamental truths will be superficial at best. In the name of healing, this is in fact, destructive and damaging. In reality, contrition and your ability to make your wrongs right, is the only way to truly regenerate. Right at the centre of this? You will ALWAYS find Christ. Therefore, any therapy without Christ at its centre is rooted in deception which always leads to the murder of the human spirit, despite how it is dressed up! Christ is the only Way, Truth and Life. This is the crucial importance of separating the sin from the sinner which I mentioned at the beginning. Psychotherapists like many today, (lost in the world) are lost in snowflake, left wing ideologies that mistake the rebuke of the sin for the sinner which is palpably false.
‘There’s No Such Thing As Gay’
Trust me the temptation to stay quiet and not say what I’m about to share is very real. I never thought in all my life that I’d be outing myself again volitionally in public for a second time for very different reasons. The reason being is because this topic in particular is to be engaged in, not mocked, not ridiculed but addressed, with all love and understanding and I have got the T-shirt. I have many cowardly egoic reasons and excuses not to but I know in my heart that this is my cross to bear now, and those who sin in public must make it right in public. Despite my fear, I deeply want to make my wrongs right with God first and then all of those who I have harmed and dragged into my sin along the way.
The truth is my heart breaks knowing what I know now because I know first hand how many others like me have fallen into the same misguided traps, yet are completely ignorant and oblivious to the danger and the damage that they are causing to themselves and others that they purport to love and do not think or feel there is anything wrong with it. Many today have built their lives around their sexuality and feel they are hurting no one in the process and instead cherish their relationship. I totally get that…I have been there! So why am I talking about my realisations regarding my sexuality in my testimony here? Because repentance unto life means that we must repent of sin, and sins of identity come into that!
I also want to share because the people of Lighthouse have been exactly that, Lighthouses that have provided the space and safety for me to ask myself the hard questions and have held the space for me to do so! As Rosaria Butterfield has helped me see “we need to be clear, not just that we are all sinners, but that we are all sexual sinners” too.
Starved of maternal, motherly affection and craving to have a deep psychological, emotional connection, I “came out” at 19 and started romantically dating women. I mention this because whilst this is a deeply personal area of my life and I am a fiercely private individual, I recognise that without the essential reparative, and emotionally in-tune foundation built on the rock that is Christ, it leaves a child in a now adult body still having to find and meet those needs. Without the guidance, I did that in depraved and iniquitous ways without even knowing it! In my naivety, immaturity and stubbornness I had absolutely no issue with my lesbianism and continued to date women for nearly a decade. In fact I felt a new but false lease of life, colour, excitement and acceptance. I felt very welcome and on the surface “seen” in the gay community. This only inflamed my delusional feeling that “coming out” was “coming home”. I now know this was not at all true! That childlike excitement was merely childhood wounds and my starved needs feeling that they were finally being nourished and nurtured, when in fact this was all part of my ever increasing delusion.
As hard for me to admit as it is, lesbianism was simply a comfort blanket to temporarily cover my tender aged torment that I was not facing. Had anyone challenged me on my lesbian lifestyle, in particular a Christian telling me that I would be going to hell for it, I would have felt so misunderstood, hurt and insulted. I would have removed myself from that individual’s company with immediate effect! I just wouldn’t have wanted to understand! The truth is, it’s not just homosexuality that is misunderstood but true Christianity is, aka Christ is!
In my journey of seeking the truth and reality with Lighthouse, I’ve naturally come to these realisations and the healing of Christ. I’m not saying at all that I am totally “healed” either as this type of lifestyle and the sin of homosexuality is actually only the fruit of much deeper sins, like pride and lust. The biggest realisation that smacked me in the face was the reality of how what is unnatural destroys. At Lighthouse we have spent years upon years in our dedication to find reality, and at great cost and sacrifice by many. One thing that is absolutely for certain is how what is unnatural will always be limited and it will ultimately destroy the earth, humanity and our children always end up paying the price as a result of it.
It’s a hard cross to bear in knowing that something I was so sold on, and felt so seemingly liberated by is in fact damaging and the biggest betrayal to God. I know for me it was a protection mechanism and I felt safe with women, safe enough that they’d be sensitive with my vulnerability at least. Looking back and being totally honest with myself, in digging deeper in the search to find out why I went down the path of lesbianism, and then having to face it within myself, it has been one of the hardest and most painful things I have ever endured.
One thing that is very important for me to mention is that I was never pushed, or felt coerced in Lighthouse to “get over” my sexuality. I was encouraged though to look at what is natural. If anything, due to the weight of realisations I was making just a few years ago, I felt compelled to spontaneously and instantly end a relationship that I was in with a woman. I realised that in actual fact I was in these relationships for my own selfish needs. Through my heartfelt realisations that were shocking to me, my mentor Warren encouraged me to slow down and to maturely start making considered decisions that were more compassionate, caring and considerate for all involved. It took me years to fall into lesbianism, it would now take me years and a lot of learning through suffering to move away from it. I now know through my own life experience that homosexuality is in fact a purely selfish act and I can back it up. For a long time I’ve feared admitting that but now it liberates me.
I feel a lot of compassion for the LGBT community! I know that this will not go down well within the LGBT community and I run the risk of further persecution for what I have been writing and revealing. I know as a former “lesbian” that there is no such thing as gay! Yes the impulses are very real, but they are not YOU…
The dangers of being encouraged to follow impulses drags us down treacherous paths to our own sinful destruction. Confusing inner impulses, that you are your feelings and that your identity is in your emotions is utterly soul destroying and dangerous and worse you don’t know it whilst you’re in it! It’s like breathing in carbon monoxide. You can’t see it or smell it! Learning our inner desires, feelings, thoughts and impulses is critical for your own inside in parenting and leadership. This desire or what’s also called indwelling sin is a reminder of a much deeper problem.
I truly believe that an upbringing that nurtures and fills a human being with all our healthy human needs and wants will always meet those needs and will instead fill us with human spirit, security, nurture and protection for one another, for our fellow man and woman. I now know that the intimacy I craved can only be found in Christ. I now care so much about standing up to protect the sanctity of the role of a mother and of Godly women which is the most important role in humanity!
A Godsend and teacher from a far I must mention and share my heartfelt appreciation for, Dr Rosaria Butterfield. Since hitting the wall at just 21 years old I have searched to find a true and maternal woman to look up to. Rosaria’s life journey and bravery has moved me to my core and had me in floods of tears just in picking up her books. Reading the books from the heart of another human being who has struggled down the same or similar paths as you and who has been willing to volitionally suffer to stand up for truth despite the betrayal she knew many in her life would experience is truly picking up and bearing your cross! True Godly female leaders are so rare. I feel seen by a soul I’ve never met in person as through her journey she already sees me. In her own words; “Compassion means entering the suffering of another in order to lead the way out.” That’s leadership! For anyone struggling with their sexuality and wants to listen to someone who cares enough to tell you how it is, yet upholds a mature balance of compassion and understanding I’d not hesitate in a heartbeat to recommend Rosaria Butterfield. God bless her soul.
“Whether the pain you face now is the consequence of your sin or the sin of others, in God’s providence and in saving faith, Romans 8:28 still reigns: “God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” It is not the absence of sin that makes you a believer. It is the presence of Christ in the midst of your struggle that commends the believer and sets you apart in the world.” ― Dr Rosaria Butterfield
The truth is I feel a lot of remorse and now contrition in these realisations regarding my sexual sin. I now understand why I went down the path I did and that is GOLD as that gives me insight. In a world where the media plays such a huge role and is corrupting, distorting and encouraging the masses to do what is unnatural and ultimately damaging I feel in not sharing my realisations about homosexuality that it would cause me insurmountable guilt in my conscience to not share what I now know. I pray for all those who are in search of answers and the truth that they find the strength to question and not sell out to the world’s narrative that aims to murder by deception. Afterall, souls are at stake here, and for that reason I am absolutely prepared to risk offending. I will be sharing more on this topic in time as it is so hugely important not just to me personally but for many who may have been lost like me and do not know it.
What is a ‘Lighthouse?’. Lighthouses are traditionally viewed as symbols of hope, security, strength, and safety. They are luminaries. They are beacons of light that guide many through the stormy seas of life. That’s exactly what this support community has been for me. Lighthouse is a group of ordinary individuals that are committed to seeking absolute truth…and that is RARE in today’s age! Lighthouse is a healthy growing community not a cult, or a bunch of “trendy life coaches” as stated by the smear campaign in the national newspaper.
Lighthouse is a research organisation and surrogate family for many to heal in. Whilst I have invested in myself and my growth and development I have also invested in our research work, and in Paul Waugh himself who is heading up this crucial and vital research. Why? Because we are committed to finding out exactly what is in the way of human potential, what the obstacles are to achieving this potential, and why human beings struggle to follow through! What has become obvious is that human beings struggle to follow through and apply much of what they learn.
We continually ask fundamental questions like; what are we missing? What are we lacking in our upbringings that contribute to a broken society, fractured families, the dissipation of individuals and as a result a fallen humanity and unhealthy world? This has never been done before! It’s been a journey filled with blood, sweat, and tears, there’s been incredible levels of sacrifice of which many would not be able to comprehend and instead would fear to tread.
If Lighthouse was unfairly and unjustly brought to a close, told to wind up and shut down I fear for the many people like me, and for future generations that their hope would become all but snuffed out. There are many testimonies from founders, to associates, to thousands of clients who’s hope has only become lighter and brighter due to the years of this pioneering work! If you do not have hope, you do not have meaning, and if you do not have meaning, you do not have purpose.
We live in a world where child suicide is on the increase, and families are continuously under threat through the ever increasing online activity of predatory trolling. I have personally witnessed the devastating effects of this. Businesses close, families break up, and people spiral into crippling depressions. We at Lighthouse will use the online violence and persecution of our business and our families to teach, heal and navigate through the real terror brought about by this online terrorism!
There’s no map, there’s no book, there’s no manual, or transcript that teaches us to follow through on what is healthy and righteous; this is uncharted territory! This is pioneering work! The problem is always at the root. For every thousand people playing with the leaves of evil there is one man striking at the root. That root is CHRIST, and this translates to human CARE! One human being who takes himself to the wall in his search to find reality and who comes close to striking at the root of humanity’s problems is Paul Waugh. One thing that Paul has shown me is that if you don’t care about care, you don’t care at all! You cannot be HUMAN without care! We have learnt here at Lighthouse that the human currency of care is paramount, so much so that you cannot follow through without care, humanly, materially and financially!
Those who didn’t care about care, and were in our healthy growing community for the wrong reasons left and became more and more violent and hostile towards us. I even had mentee’s turn on me violently over the phone and who ultimately ran from their mentorship. It’s clear that those who have left our research and healthy growing community have chosen to deliberately persecute us online. This has been a conscious and an orchestrated attack on our livelihoods and families.
These individuals had an interest that was not founded on character and nor were they ever truly dedicated to their own growth and development. Instead they have self interest, and self entitled, self indulgent, and self obsessed reasons that led to them being here. They were here for what they could get rather than what value they could learn to create and as a result give back! They petulantly refused to legitimately earn the true rewards of building their character through the love of work, and the love of learning. We live in a world where the victim mentality is encouraged and as a result championed! Legitimate leadership and principle centred leadership is FAST becoming extinct!
My Biggest Wake Up!
In August 2020 I prayed to Christ, a prayer that I will never forget. I prayed to “grow up, whatever it takes”. In September 2020 I received my biggest and most painful life lesson to date. Why? Because it brought me to my knees and still to this day I carry the trauma in my body. I am needing to attend weekly physio, Osteopathy, and recently stopped seeking psychotherapy and sought Christian counselling instead in order to help me heal. In life I now know Christ doesn’t necessarily give us what we want BUT HE ALWAYS gives us what we lovingly need.
Christ certainly answered my prayer in a way that shattered my synthetic and fake world that I had created, and for very good reason. What happened to me that night is something I cannot go into the specifics of, simply because the case is still with the police, but what may shock you is I now realise that because of my lack of upbringing this was a trauma I always had coming. It was just a matter of time.
Certain heinous crimes are often targeted towards certain people who fit a certain criteria. They are often not strong enough to speak up. They are often people who do not have the strength to alert the authorities. The predator knows or at least thinks that they can get away with their repugnant crime because they know you will blame yourself and so will minimise the crime. They also know it’s difficult for you to say something because it’s “family.” Yes, that’s right this crime was by someone I naively trusted and a “family member.”
I have since learnt that “family” can be the perfect cover for all types of predators. There are those that feed on you emotionally, there are those that feed on you mentally, there are those that feed on you physically and there are those that will even feed on all three in order to break your spirit, in doing so they feed on your soul. Either way these predators are cannibals that prowl in the very environment and under the very blanket where the vulnerable ought to feel safe, within FAMILY. They know you’re not strong enough on your own and that there’s no way you would alert the authorities, instead they bank on your ‘familiar’ relationship because “family is too important” so they firmly believe that they can get away with it! To be silenced is simple when something is so horrific that it would stain the entire family. So best to keep quiet, right? They were wrong. I had the support of this support community, Lighthouse.
It’s not the crime, it’s what happens afterwards which is the most traumatic part. It’s the years of trauma, the sleepless nights, the nightmares, the slow and bureaucratic justice system that only prolongs that pain, the pain body and the whole soul purging you go through. The reason this event was an answer to my prayer was not because of what happened to me, the real part, the true answer to my prayer was having the support around me to be able to face it. That’s where healing happens. It starts with being dedicated to reality. As much as my soul was screaming and I was desperately swinging into bouts of denial, it is in fact the denial that is crippling and I just desperately wanted the shame and despair to end.
Had I not had the support of both Warren Vaughan and Paul Waugh, along with the rest of the Lighthouse community I honestly dread to think where I would be today, in fact with a trauma that devastating, I question whether I would still be alive. Warren and Paul encouraged and supported me in going to the police. They arranged for me to be in a place of safety so I could heal away from my “family” and begin the process of rebuilding my life on firmer foundations.
Paul Waugh kindly paid for me to stay in a hotel for a week off the back of this shocking trauma whilst I was unable to walk properly in being pretty much bedridden. Warren Vaughan supported me with visits to see me, lunch meetings (that I initially had to eat soup and only through a straw). Warren raised the funds for me to stay a further five weeks in this hotel before I had found myself my own flat to start therapy and heal in. A lot went on behind the scenes from many in Lighthouse to ensure I was best supported and able to get myself safely into my flat, for example Victoria Bytel lent me 5K to get me up and running and allowed me space to pay her back once up and on my feet and able to do so. My brother Dom was a star and helped move all my things in. Paul Waugh spoke to my heart to help me with the courage to face this heavy and emotional trial I was going through.
The saying that’s kept me afloat ever since was when Paul told me over the phone that “no tears will ever be wasted” and then he proceeded to mentor me on the crucial and vital importance of facing what I desperately wanted to run from. In doing so I am standing up for the next victim, and the next child who unfortunately will go through the same life changing ordeal, I am teaching them to say that enough is enough! When we find the courage to stand up and face our persecutors and predators, we are standing up for the vulnerable and the greater humanity! One of my biggest lessons is learning to grow through the pain which eventually brings me to a place of gratitude for the suffering that I have been through.
One thing I know for sure is that this life changing trauma has changed my life for the better. It’s only through our research here at Lighthouse and the support through this community that the findings have brought me to Christ! I would not be able to heal in an environment surrounded by toxic family members. It would have killed me. When the devastating trauma happened I couldn’t be around my birth family. I was physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually devastated and broken in shame and humiliation. What will be understandably hard for my family members to comprehend is that in my time of desperate need I could not turn to them! I did not trust them!
Without the help and support of this surrogate family and community at Lighthouse, I know I wouldn’t have had the strength or the support to face this life crippling trauma. There are many who don’t have the support and who tragically feel the only option for them is to live a life of denial hoping the nightmares and trauma will just disappear. It doesn’t and it won’t! I know that first hand! God bless us all. My heart goes out to all individuals who are suffering silently and who don’t yet have the fortuitous hope and support that I have had through facing my most difficult trials. May God bless them all!
I’ve learnt through this trauma that power is not controlling other people. Power is disciplining yourself. Power is self control. Power is learning to love your enemies. You find power in forgiveness. Trying to control other people is the first sign that a person is entirely out of control. Controlling others or attempting to is what weak people think power looks like and they crave it! Self control is the 9th fruitage of the Holy Spirit and for good reason!
The Truth of How My Family in The Name of “Care” Attempted to Sabotage My Life and Livelihood In My Investment Here at Lighthouse
Since the trauma in 2020 I have lived through a very real experience to add to my understanding of trauma and how we hold it in our bodies. I never could have predicted the physically crippling aftermath that one event can have on my life when on the outside I look pretty much the same. I have however so far spent just under £15000.00 over a two and a half year period just on therapies to get the psychological and physical help I still desperately need to this day. The trauma in my body becomes inflamed especially in confronting situations relating to family.
As you can imagine, the last two years of the malicious smear campaign orchestrated by toxic family members, ex-clients and partners turned active constructive saboteurs only added to my already surreal and very real pain-body and trauma. Through what was an incredibly stressful time for me personally, I found out my family had set up and arranged a secret cult meeting against me and my participation here at Lighthouse in September 2021. All in the name of “care,” not one of them picked up the phone to find out how I was or what was going on.
My Dad, Dom (my youngest brother) and my Nan are the only people who have truly supported me from my birth family in more ways than one. Dom has always been there. He was there for me that very morning after the horrific trauma. I can always count on him to be there on the phone. Even through his own trauma he’d always find a way to be there for me too. My Dad who (once I shared what had happened) helped me not just physically by giving me the osteopathic treatment to ease the symptoms of trauma in my body, (that I needed week in and week out) but he also helped me financially as my business was seriously impacted due to the constructive sabotage. Many of my clients were contacted by predatory trolls in an attempt to sabotage their mentorship with me. This just added to my already pained body.
Paul S Waugh also had sleepless nights and wept over the trauma that I went through in 2020. The sensationalism that Paul is this controlling cult leader is shocking to see when you know this human being yourself. I have sat in this man’s company and I have seen him suffer and feel the pain and betrayal himself for my own trauma! I cannot describe how reassuring it is to feel seen and heard through something like this. Paul is one of the only people who truly understands the depth of the trauma I went through. Most people have no idea what to say, and avoid the pain and reality at all costs. Most people have not experienced or been in the presence of someone who can sit in their pain. That’s the sad reality. If only those in my family who purport to truly care for me knew the truth of how this support family at Lighthouse has saved me from drowning through the trauma I have experienced.
Not one of my family members upon spreading the Daily Mail article amongst themselves came to me directly to find out what was actually going on and to ask how I was throughout it all. Even the so-called “cult expert” Richard Turner my mother had hired (that I called once finding out a year later), stated that he had encouraged that I be invited to attend the “educational cult meeting”. Whether he did or didn’t state as much to them, no one took the initiative to invite me. It was all orchestrated in a very clandestine way dare I say, even cultish way. It shows that it was set up in line with the false hypothesis my mother and many of my family members have bought into, with no evidence at all instead wishing that their hypothesis were true even if that means at my very own expense. This is exactly what the predatory trolls of Lighthouse have done. They in their dark fantasies and resentment made up false hypotheses about Paul Waugh and Lighthouse and then tried to convince as many people as they could that it was true. That’s not only really really foolish but you can’t be clever with falsehoods and lies! Hate really does make people stupid!
Richard Turner the “cult expert” needed his leaflet to remind him of the answers to some very basic questions I asked him. You can’t be an expert on anything that you don’t know much about! In the case of Richard Turner and many of these so-called “cult experts” they cannot clearly define what a cult is and on the contrary what a healthy community is. Based on how they judge themselves as experts I could be an expert on anything. It is that loose, that non specific and general!
Over the years way before the malicious smear campaign my mother actively expressed her hatred towards Lighthouse and in particular my first mentor Warren Vaughan. While I know she actually wouldn’t do it and it was a flippant comment stating that she wanted to “kill that man” it reveals her resentful pathology. This is not surprising or new to any of us at Lighthouse simply because our very research threatens the demonic hierarchical structure of the family home. We at Lighthouse help individuals stand up for themselves and truly get the upbringing they never received. This naturally infuriates those wanting to maintain their self imposed egoic position and control.
When the smear campaign orchestrated by the predatory trolls of Lighthouse released the poorly written hack job by the Daily Mail, it sent my family into a frenzy of self inflated righteousness and vitriol. In their feeding frenzy they sent the Daily Mail article around amongst themselves. My step Grandmother used the excuse that she happened to randomly pick up the Wednesday paper for the Daily Mail for my Grandad and just “happened to see it.” …They do not even read this trashy newspaper! They should have picked up a lottery ticket that day! That’s so unlikely and untrue I found it hard not to laugh at the blatant lie. Upon challenging her, I have received hostile messages telling me to “for God sake get the help you need” and resorted to having to block her for her hostile messages. The reason? Little old nice Olivia wouldn’t shut up and conform. Apparently that’s enough to be called a bully. The behaviour from my family was so far from genuinely caring they were instead hoping for Lighthouse to be revealed as a “big, bad, dangerous cult”. My own aunt with a complete lack of regard or consideration messaged me whilst sharing the daily mail article saying:
“Have you seen this? Makes me think Paul Waugh really isn’t as nice as you think ?????? Just saying ???” and “doesn’t make me like Paul Waugh, glad he’s going to take this to court to clear his name! I don’t read the Daily Mail, as you say I shared the article with you so promptly, it was forwarded to me by a member of the family. Can’t believe you fall for all his bull****, what an arrogant man x”.
To which I replied:
“*****, in my view, arrogance is having a very strong ill-informed opinion on something or someone that you know very little about. For me that definitely applies in this case. Have a lovely day x x”.
They’d rather see themselves being proven right at my expense than see me and Lighthouse succeed in our endeavours than have to humbly admit their vicious, malicious and toxic behaviour. I have since called various members of my family out for their toxic behaviour only to be called a “bully” for doing so.
In our 18 years of research within Lighthouse we asked the question; what are the obstacles, restraining forces and barriers to human beings fulfilling their potential. I can categorically say in my case and in many people’s cases it is the toxic family. I however still pray and hope for all of them despite their toxic behaviour, it does not however mean I tolerate it.
My Narcissistic Prediction, Watch This Space…
Know the nature of the beast… Through our studies into ourselves and other human beings and in being dedicated to addressing my own toxicity (and helping others in mentoring, coaching, counselling and leadership do the same), I know first hand what the narcissistic responses are in an individual when they refuse to acknowledge responsibility for their wrongdoing. After all the Bible points right back to the Garden of Eden and Adam and Eve’s refusal to accept responsibility and instead absconded it, shifted the blame and justified their betrayal!
It’s not just my own family who have gone about actively trying to destroy Lighthouse but there are many families of partners who have done the same. My family, through their dark fantasies no doubt fueled by my mothers paranoia and revenge filled pathology, have actively sabotaged and attempted to destroy my work financially to the point where I have barely been able to afford therapy to get the support through the trauma I have endured. They claim innocence and that their intentions were out of care and “goodness” but good intentions pave the way to hell, and as much as they may deny their true agenda, their behaviour says it all. You cannot talk yourself out of situations you behave yourself into.
Myself and my mentor Warren Vaughan had a meeting with my step dad that ended up being a pleasant chat in a local pub. Credit to my step dad as no one else extended themselves that way. My step dad insisted he record the conversation (which I appreciated and was going to suggest regardless). My stepdad left that conversation recording in hand but with all queries and questions answered and backed up. His aired frustrations and queries were answered and multiple replies from him of “good point”. It was no surprise to me that once my mother had listened to this audio that she deleted it. Had that audio revealed any of her allegations I can guarantee she would not have deleted it. That just shows her biassed agenda and that she’s only focused on proving her false, and dark hypothesis.
If it wasn’t for the help of those in Lighthouse I wouldn’t have been able to get the support I have. The sad thing is I really believe my mother wants me and us all at Lighthouse to fail. The reality of narcissism and the toxicity within families is that I know my mother and others alike would rather be right all at my expense. That there is dark. My younger brother sought mentorship for himself for between 3 to 4 years. I truly believe since the trauma in 2020 I experienced that he too carries the trauma from that experience. God bless his soul. My brother has since rejoined the army to be back with his comrades. At the time because of the sensitivity of the case we couldn’t tell anyone what had happened. He was visibly disturbed and shaken with the heaviness and weight of such an event. He went to live back with my mother for a number of months. It was at this point my mother blamed me and Lighthouse for my brother being “suicidal” (this was an outrageous lie). I was already on my knees and she had no idea why, yet she revealed her dark resentment and false vitriol. Since my mother has learnt about the trauma she’s not apologised or supported me. Instead she spread the news to family members like it was her own gossip to spread despite making a promise in front of my brothers that she wouldn’t and the warnings regarding the open police investigation not to.
I know full well the backlash I will receive for presenting such raw and real testimony. I know and feel the rumblings. My heart aches. The typical narcissistic response to being called out and held accountable is not one of a mature, growing, repenting humble human being. That would be to accept responsibility and to genuinely look inside-in. There are many who lack the capacity for inside in reflection and therefore can never accept responsibility to make their wrongs right. While I hope and pray for all those I have mentioned here I do not expect anything less than rebuke. I expect a harsh backlash as the truth to an unrepentant soul stings the fragile ego. The typical narcissistic reaction is as follows:
Complete and utter denial, “I would never say that”.
All of a sudden convenient memory loss, “I can’t remember”.
“I am confused”
“I don’t understand”
Blame and resentment poured out towards the one outing the toxicity.
They lie to anyone who will listen detailing your “crazy” behaviour.
So why am I sharing this? Because the truth is what sets you free. It’s through being dedicated to the truth no matter how painful that we can repent and make those wrongs right! WE CANNOT SOLVE PROBLEMS BY AVOIDING THEM AND ABSCONDING RESPONSIBILITY! By avoiding reality and skirting around the issues that means I am complicit in the wickedness of it. I refuse to be a passive bystander anymore. I refuse to stand by and choose comfort over what’s true for fear of being hated. I’d rather clear my conscience and be willing to be hated to share it with others to give them a chance to face the pain and repent through it.
Leadership is not about pleasing the masses but doing what is right for the greater humanity, for truth, for what’s right and righteous! It is The Way, The Truth, and The Life. It’s the narrow path fraught with pain yes, but also immense meaning and purpose because right at the centre of it is Jesus Christ! It is not found in playing small and hiding from reality. It’s in seeking absolute truth and fighting for it. It’s in fighting for your soul and for your brother’s and sister’s soul, and for your family even if they hate and want to destroy you for it!
How Can You Put A Price On What Saves a Soul?
How can I put a price on the above and beyond support I have received through this surrogate family, Lighthouse? I can’t! The broken family fabric of the home that led to me spiralling out of control at university, to lesbianism, to wracking up thousands of pounds worth of debt, to the trauma in September 2020, and the ongoing police case that still leaves me crippled and on the floor? The amount I have invested in myself and also others here, including Paul Waugh who has invested by far the most here in money, time, and effort cannot come close to the care, support, effort, time, and money that has been invested back into me 24/7, 7 days a week, 365 days a year just to help me get back on my feet!
Individuals here have not just invested thousands into me like Victoria Bytel but I honestly believe that whatever I have invested here financially doesn’t come close to the return that I have received and continue to receive every day! The dreaded day of the trauma people like Paul dropped their family Sunday lunches, time with their children to rally around in order to help me in my time of desperate need! If I had to break down the investment I have made hour by hour, minute by minute, I know that the guidance, support and return that I have received would equate to way below the minimum wage to a point where it’s probably not even worth discussing it’s so small! I’ve received daily, weekly, monthly and yearly mentorship! Who has that support and commitment from others?! When everyone else is going on holiday I have a team of people helping me, supporting me, and sacrificing their family time! I have numerous people here I can call for support at any given moment!
This has never been about the financial currency, as anyone can see and feel through my experience it is primarily about the human currency, the human being, and the human spirit! We have been continuously attacked by toxic family members who have attempted to sabotage our work for the fear of being “revealed” for their own toxicity, yet Lighthouse has provided the space for me to fight for my soul. You simply cannot put a price on that!
Through my journey thus far in Lighthouse I have learnt that through my pain and suffering I can regenerate. This is only possible if I have a complete and uncompromising dedication to absolute truth. If I am this dedicated it will always lead me to Christ. In doing so I must always do my best to love my family and to put people and relationships first. That means holding myself and others to the most loving standard (we call that the child standard at Lighthouse). This journey starts internally and intrinsically by looking deeply within the chambers of my heart and soul. All of this builds my character, my strength, and my fortitude on the rock that is Christ.
Today I will not tolerate false friends and family, I will not tolerate any form of abuse. If it was not for Paul Waugh and Lighthouse I would not be in the position to competently set about mentoring others through their trauma. There’s a saying “it takes a village to raise a child”, we are all still children in desperate search for that nurturing village. That surrogate family.
There have been many allegations that Lighthouse is a cult, from my personal experience and observations it’s been the very families that we have come from and come out of that displayed the very traits that make up a cult.
Could it be that we are all born into cults, work within cults, and have been educated in environments that are very cultish, only to come out institutionalised, weak, and vulnerable to the very predators that lurk within those environments? In my experience? That’s exactly what I have found. I have never been pressured to stay with Lighthouse and I am free to choose where I go, what I do, and with whom. Lighthouse has been and still is a safe haven and a regenerative environment for me to become an increasingly healthy growing adult. I wish and pray that many have the same privilege as I have. I am eternally grateful to Christ, and to all those within Lighthouse for their continued love, support, and sacrifices. May God bless us all.
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” – Galatians 6:2
“I started to realise my life was down to me. It’s like someone going into rehab away from their families and everything for a number of years and coming back healed. Paul even paid for my and 8 others’ rent during this time which cost around £49,000. That is where a lot of the money invested has gone, on just keeping us and Lighthouse going while we heal and pioneer our research, especially through Covid-19.
This is the big difference I realised it wasn’t going to be “oh I’ve paid this money to Paul and he’s going to do everything for me” I started to realise it’s up to me, he’s here to help me. Everyone is, but I need to make it happen, otherwise I will always be dependent on him. That is what people like ‘Mrs X’ and Jeffrey Leigh-Jones expected. To invest in the research phase and then do as little as they could to get back and receive the benefits. The whole time they were here their own toxic families were opposed to the work they were doing and how much time they were spending on themselves as can be seen from all the evidence. The attacks and pull of their toxic families became too strong so they left. Then they demanded their money back. You don’t go to university for 3 years and then demand your money back it doesn’t work like that!”
– Jai Singh
How much money was spent on research and development (R&D) by organisations in the United Kingdom in 2020?
£44 billion of that is spent by businesses. £13.9 billion in the education sector.
That’s just in one year!
For nearly 20 years, Lighthouse has been operating in research and development in order to launch globally with the right people, the right products, the right services and the right support.
As Head Mentor Paul Waugh has stated: “We never took investment directly into products service offerings or systemic business development. We took money into research while offering a service, we combined service and research rather than plugging it directly into research exclusively which is common practise with R&D. We did 99 percent of the time with the odd exception!! We wanted to find the genius of the ‘and’! Because of this AND being found and implemented we were able to put quality of research and results before a premature panic launch.”
Every single Associate Partner has invested our money, our time, our work, sacrificing comfort and easy lives, to invest in this research. Chief among all has been Paul himself. Not only investing in this research for over 40 years, Paul has personally invested in everyone in Lighthouse, from securing their rent when they could not afford it, to housing families dealing with confilct between them, to looking after Associates during the Covid pandemic, and much more.
Our predatory trolls know this! All of them without exception came to Lighthouse and wanted the most while giving the least – in terms of their effort, their care, their self-extension for others.
In a world where people are raving about which property or what crypto currency to invest in, we’ve forgotten about THE most valuable asset on earth – without which nothing else has any value to us! The human being! This is why we invest in people and relationships at Lighthouse. Just like investing in a child’s health, shelter and education, we know we must never stop trying to improve ourselves and fulfil our God-given potential.
Hear from Lighthouse clients – including our predatory trolls!
Paul Waugh in his own words to Mrs X (one of our Predatory Trolls) when they were ill and trying to grow at Lighthouse, 2021
You keep asking how much you need to invest in yourself? It’s up to you…we will never force you and never reject you because you don’t! Just focus on getting well.
Jeffrey Leigh-Jones(former Lighthouse Associate, now a predatory troll because of toxic family pressure)
The way I see it that money doesn’t reflect the value you get out of Lighthouse but what it is is a commitment and if you’re willing to bite the bullet and make that commitment then you’ll put more work into what you’re doing.
The opportunity came to invest again. In fact I put myself forward. I was inspired by the story of somebody here that I came to know this. What I found is that commerce of hearts. I was very inspired by somebody’s story here and I wanted to invest into them and indirectly that’s grown in time. I’m not directly investing into that story. I want to invest into other people and invest into the community here.
Joanne Holmes (former Lighthouse Associate, now a predatory troll)
I truly appreciate the investment you make in me and equally the investment I am making in myself.
I have received counselling from Chris Nash and Paul Waugh on many occasions, sometimes being on calls up until the early hours of the morning because I was in a very difficult state mentally and emotionally and it was critical for me to receive support at that time. This support is in addition to the mentoring and coaching I have received from Jatinder Singh who has supporting me over the past 5 years which in the beginning was largely Pro Bono as I did not have the money to invest the full cost of sessions while I was a student.
I could not have even begun this journey of healing if Lighthouse didn’t exist. I would have gone down a path of suicide either in instalments through drugs and alcohol or all at once as I have come close to on a number of occasions throughout my life.
People at Lighthouse have paid for my rent for a 1 bed flat for 6 months when I couldn’t cover it myself because I needed to prioritise my physical healing, they have spent hours on the phone with me giving me advice for every challenge in my life, helping me cover my costs out of their own pockets, sharing with me all they had to give, keeping nothing selfishly for themselves, they have opened their homes to me. It has never been about money because if it was, I believe they would have made far more by now.
Starting with the financial investment this has included me selling a small property portfolio which took me a great deal of time, money and effort to build up. I have also invested in other Associate Partners here too. The reason I have invested in others is because I knew they didn’t have the financial resources to do so themselves and ultimately I felt it was the right thing to do morally given their levels of dedication and desire to improve their lives and develop themselves as I wanted to improve mine. Obviously I expect to receive a financial return on these investments but I have also received the emotional satisfaction in helping others which includes the building of trust in the relationship of those I have invested in. Often these Associate partners had parents who wouldn’t invest in them so to invest in them is a strong sign of my commitment to them.
Various members of the Lighthouse community have helped me when I’ve been really low on money/income and I have been helped enormously over the last 4 years that I have been here, particularly the last 2-3 years, where I have been supported financially, and physically but more emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
I managed to raise one fifth of my associate investment, but that was about all I could manage with limited credit as a graduate without a job. Paul decided to vouch for me and he arranged someone to invest in me. He asked another incoming Partner, Tom Hasker, to invest in me. I barely knew Tom. Tom barely knew me. I was just some graduate. I now consider Tom a brother – but there’s been a lot of pain, arguing and disagreements to get through to even be here. What Paul and Tom have done for me is show me that while they trusted me, no money in the world can ever make up for the need for honesty, commitment to the truth in hard times, and discipline. Lighthouse has been accused of being a cult that fleeces people for money which is frankly an idiotic claim when you know the facts. Not only have I been invested in, but I’ve been here THIRTEEN YEARS and not once have I been pressured to pay Tom back! Paul knew I’ve needed those 13 years to heal from abuse just to survive!
The generosity and willingness to extend and help have come from many at Lighthouse financially, people like Mel Francis, Asif Valiji, Vivienne Juan, Zach Jones, Victoria Bytel and Jeffrey Leigh-Jones all to help me continue my work of healing and improving my life for the better. Many at the time had only met me a handful of times and invested thousands to help me. I am so grateful for all they have done to help me continue my much-needed healing from the abuse I received growing up. However, there are those who accuse Lighthouse of stealing money from people, when this is clearly not the case. I and all mentioned here have invested in each other, to help all of us have the support and guidance that has been desperately needed.
There has always been a caring and intentional building of intimacy, including financially. While financially I invested in myself, I also invested three times as much into supporting my fellow associate partners who were in need of assistance, which has been such a liberating lesson in learning to care for others. This perspective of abundance replaced a mindset of scarcity deeply ingrained in me from my childhood.
Paul was paying our rent for 12 months so we had a buffer to do that. He invested hugely in us and others that year to pay our rent, he contributed over £49,000 of his personal money to us in that year alone. The following years the predatory trolling online began and my brother and I had to move.
Letizia De Sario
My mentorship sessions are meant to be one hour, but most of the time more than one hour. My mentor invests his time, money and effort in me and from my side, as a mentee; I invest time, money and effort.
For legitimate reasons I was very untrusting of life and people, and my son Christopher, one of the founding members of Lighthouse, had given me the opportunity to heal and embrace life again meaningfully and purposefully. I had spent a good portion of my life in a caring profession, and helping other people regain their health was very important to me, and so I welcomed this opportunity; albeit knowing that there was a lot of unresolved trauma and unhealthiness, from which I needed support to work through, and only then would I be able to use my life in a positive, upbuilding, and progressive way. My son invested in me for these reasons.
I have invested huge amounts of time in my own growth and development so that I’m in the best possible place to help others. I have invested in my own and other people’s growth and development, not including covering people’s living costs when they couldn’t earn and their income plummeted as a result of the smear campaign.
At one point when I broke my ankle Paul arranged for fresh fruit, veg and meat to be sent to me to make sure that I was getting the right nutrients while I was recuperating.
What I value about our relationship is that it is a win win. Since the very start we discussed what I was needing in terms of support and accountability and that has evolved organically and incrementally over time. To reach the point now where I have invested in a year of intensive mentorship, I want to stress that this decision has not been taken lightly by either of us. Ultimately we are both investing in each other and it would not have been possible without us proving our commitment to each other; my commitment to openness, humility and the willingness to grow, and Jai’s commitment to care and guidance.
My mentors over the years have taken my circumstances into account and even supported me for free when I’ve been short of money and even given me extra sessions without charge when something unexpected has come up that I have needed extra advice on.
The reason why I have invested so much of my money and life into this work, is because without a complete upbringing, I’m not able to lead other people into a community, or a company, that will create anything good and help vulnerable people. Imagine if the CEO of a large company is rattled by a bully on Facebook? If they back down just because someone questions their vision for the world and the company they have brought together and are leading? No one would follow them! No one would invest in them!
Sukh Singh was the first person to be invested in by another Associate of Lighthouse, me. In 2012 I was the first to risk (as there was no guarantee of a return). Ours was the first agreement of its kind within Lighthouse and has set the standard for all the other investments between associates ever since. This was done on mutual trust and respect and in line with the principles of effective relationships. I have learnt to my cost what happens when these principles are not followed as much as to my benefit when they are.
The other large investment to note is Anthony Antoine. He was another who had worked hard to invest into himself and the work of Lighthouse but was unable to find the balance. Having worked with him for several years and seen his progress I was able to invest in him and his future.
Both of these investments have been with the support and guidance of Paul, Warren and the Lighthouse research community. A community that is caring for us and helps us to keep our commitments to each other in many ways, financially, physically, emotionally to our continued personal development.
“Whoever watches the wind will not plant; whoever looks at the clouds will not reap. Sow your seed in the morning, and at evening let your hands not be idle, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well.” – Ecclesiastes 11: 4,6
Making the right investment, with the right people, for the right reasons at the right time is crucial. If you want to reach out for help in any way from Lighthouse Global, or have any questions, contact email@example.com
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” – James 1:2-4
Is Lighthouse Global in the public interest?
This is now at the heart of the ongoing smear campaign against Lighthouse Global.
A small handful of bitter and resentful ex-associates, abusive family members and the national press are trying to spread lies in the face of hundreds of personal testimonies that categorically demonstrate the life-saving, critical work we do at Lighthouse Global.
The majority of our clients have sought out help because they were abused in and by their own family members! This horrifically ranges from neglect, to coercive control, to physical and sexual and abuse.
Many were crippled by the abuse they grew up in, resulting in nervous breakdowns during university, literally not being able to speak in social situations, attempting suicide by the time they were 18 years old, or becoming addicted to drugs and/or alcohol to suppress their trauma.
For Lighthouse Global not to exist, it would frankly devastate the lives and families of these men, women and their children. So many are still in the early stages of getting healthy (physical, emotionally, mentally and spiritually). To remove the vital help they have now would send them back decades, to the hellish worlds they grew up in.
Hear from some of our clients in their own words…
What Would It Mean To You if Lighthouse
Global Did Not Exist?
If Lighthouse and James (Mills) didn’t exist I wouldn’t have got through this last year. I possibly wouldn’t have been here to write this. James saved my life. May sound extreme but it’s true. And there’s other people like me that need the help of James and Lighthouse, to get the help, understanding, commitment and professionalism that they have shown me.
If the support from Jai (Singh), and Lighthouse, didn’t exist in my life, I could tell you exactly where I imagine myself being. Firstly I would be single, having lost the most important and meaningful relationship of my entire life due to my emotions and impulses thinking for me. Second, I would most certainly be on my second or third job of the year, and would likely be looking for another as I write this – I wouldn’t even have an inkling as to what powers this self-defeating pattern of behavior.
My mountain of debt would have grown even larger, to which my response would have been to take out yet another credit card or a loan, and leave the worrying for ‘future me’ whilst carrying on making financial decisions impulsively.
Everything I have worked so hard to build would have gone to waste. I wouldn’t be able to continually support my family through the most painful and difficult time of my life! I wouldn’t be able to take care of my terminally ill mother and my family who are struggling with the treatment she is currently receiving. I need the help and encouragement from those at Lighthouse.
I come from a toxic birth family and I have young first cousins right now, who are being neglected and toxically affected by their unstable birth parents. I intend to invest in Lighthouse programs that will give them a chance at life, through receiving an upbringing. I cannot do this if I do not have the support community, the resources, and the leadership to follow through on this intention.
To reach the point now where I have invested in a year of intensive mentorship, I want to stress that this decision has not been taken lightly by either of us (me and my mentor). Far from cutting me off from the people I am close to, Jai (Singh) has helped me to empathise and connect from the heart. The idea of investing a substantial amount of money in myself seems like the most natural thing to me now because it’s self-evident how mentorship is transforming my life, starting from the inside and working out.
The greatest growth for me has come within my family relationships. Lately entering a romantic relationship I feel I’ve learned a year’s worth of relationship lessons in six weeks. Without the continued support of Jai, Jack, Chris and Lighthouse honestly I’d be pretty lost. That might sound like dependency but in their care I have grown far more independent than I could have done otherwise.
I know that if Lighthouse was no longer here to help me, I would be in a very vulnerable position in my life, not just physically, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
By the time I met Daniel (Schmitz), I had barely made it into a PhD; my physical health was appalling, I had never had a friend and had suffered another excruciating breakdown. I had previously tried psychotherapy, but the more I looked into it, the more I felt like it was putting a bandaid over a bullet wound. Something I needed most would still be missing.
It was after I met Daniel that I realised it was an upbringing based on care and truth. As our mentor-mentee relationship developed, my physical health improved. I realised the consequences of my toxic upbringing and what should’ve been in its place instead.
It’s hard to imagine where I would be in life without my mentor; my deteriorating physical health would’ve made it impossible for me to finish my PhD. And I would be left with a gaping hole in my soul that could be filled by nothing and no one.
Without the support of the Lighthouse community I would not have had the courage to face up to the abusers in my own family, nor would I have the care and patience to learn how to be a father to my own children beyond the basic functions of feeding, educating and clothing them… the pragmatic support and nurture of family that I have come to know would end. In addition to this, we would not have the opportunity to help so many people through its invaluable research. This includes parents, like me, with children from broken homes.
If Lighthouse didn’t exist or ceased to exist, just the thought fills me with great sadness, despair even, because how many more hundreds if not thousands of people will not have the opportunity to succeed in really making their dreams come true the way I have?!
Through the years Lighthouse has supported, encouraged and inspired me to be the best version of myself. I have learnt how to be confident, authentic as I show up in personal and professional ways.
I have built wonderful intentional relationships, got married, healed family relationships and developed levels of discipline to the point I am not afraid of problems when they show up in my life or the lives of family, friends and clients I work with. I have learnt to use problems to grow and learn and help others do the same.
Are the mentors perfect? No, nobody is. What I like and appreciate about my mentor Kris, and Lighthouse as a whole, is that they are open to learn, always asking for feedback, always looking for ways to be better, do better and serve better, that’s why no matter what is said in the media, I know first hand from my very own experience that Lighthouse’s intentions are in the right place.
This is a public statement I am making of my experience at Lighthouse and I have a great deal more I can share, however for the purposes of publishing it online, a lot has been removed for privacy and disclosure. More will follow soon as the truth is brought out as evidence through the courts. For me and for Lighthouse, this has been a long process of setting the record straight about the lives that have been completely transformed by the support at Lighthouse, lives like mine.
Tragically, some of the people who were seemingly closest to me, so called friends and family members, have actively tried to sabotage me and everyone at Lighthouse, including the decades of time, money and effort that has been invested into research here long before I came on the scene.
It has recently been confirmed via conclusive evidence from various sources close to them that both my mother Dagmar Spaeth and my sister Tania Francis who is a partner at the law firm Hempsons have been central to the illegal and unlawful smear campaign against me and those who have sacrificed so much for me at Lighthouse. Make no mistake, I have spent countless hours explaining to both these women why Lighthouse has meant so much to me, to no avail. We are all defined by our actions, not our intentions, and calling something love whilst being anti-loving is not something you can just paint over with platitudes – a fact I wrote to both of them in letters 18 months ago. Instead of support, when the youngest chick (that’s me) wanted to leave the nest and spread her wings, they were having absolutely none of it. Their efforts escalated to police being involved, offering to arrest Tania for harassment and numerous unsolicited visits to my property, and despite being let off (on my request) with a warning, she has not ceased. Every effort I made, even asking her employer to speak to her to get her to cease and desist, she has continued a covert mission to sabotage my personal growth and my work. My mother was sending me gifts in the post and quoting bible verses while stabbing me in the back, writing poisonous lies about me and the wonderful kind souls here at Lighthouse. Lies which she thought I would never find out about. I am so grateful to have learnt this, confirming suspicions I have had for the last 2 years, because while tragic that someone could do this to someone they gave birth to or share blood with, I now know conclusively that the “love” and “care” are words ashamedly abused by toxic families, I know who they actually are and it’s not who they pretend to be on the surface to those who think they know them. Yes, I was deceived by them too.
I for one, would like to take this opportunity to apologise to Paul Waugh in particular and the people at Lighthouse that in helping me, I brought with me my baggage of toxic individuals who would take it upon themselves to attack Lighthouse simply for helping me grow up. Lighthouse has been gracious in enduring a 2 year long smear campaign, and against all odds have continued to serve and help people like me every day to stand for the truth. Now, this testimonial is the next step in standing up for myself and standing up against those who have chronically infantilised me and who have maliciously tried to destroy Lighthouse. They will never be successful as long as we stand for truth in our Lord Jesus Christ.
Whilst my time at Lighthouse and being a part of this community is incredibly hard to put into words, it has been one of the most challenging and personally fulfilling experiences of my whole life. It is unbelievable to me that I am even at a point of having to write this statement. Over the last 2 years, I have been absolutely shocked by the malicious predatory trolling smear campaign against Lighthouse and the deliberate sabotage of the incredible work done here. I never in my life thought that I would be witness to such blatant character assassination as what is being attempted against Paul Waugh and Lighthouse with a complete disregard of testimonies like mine for whom Lighthouse is not some shady organisation but a lifeline. For Lighthouse to be destroyed completely through these attacks would be like having the dream house you are building be burned to the ground by people who were jealous you have a vision and a home. It would be a disaster, a tragedy and a total malicious sabotage of a lifeline. I do not know where else I would ever find the same level of commitment, care, self-sacrifice and dedication to truth and reality as I have received and desperately need at Lighthouse. We all have needs as human beings, and needing to be around the right healthy people who will help you to grow is the most fundamental and healthy need I can think of. What reason would anyone have to justify destroying something which is bringing about so much good and so much hope? I hope that my testimony is living proof that Lighthouse has helped me immeasurably.
Where I Was Before Joining Lighthouse
At the time I met Kris Deichler, the first person I met from Lighthouse in December 2018, I was; 24 years old, a smoker, a partier, an occasional cocaine user, a gambler, underweight, seeking my value through sex with men, jumping from one relationship to the next, compulsive, addicted, insecure, self-involved, a new age spiritualist, a spendthrift, a sexual assault survivor, a social prostitute (as in someone who would do anything for acceptance from other people), lonely, in chronic pain with a colorectal illness that consultants said may be lifelong, aimless in my career and surrounded by a lot of people who, like my parents, reinforced my dependencies and weaknesses.
I was trying to pull my life together but I needed help from someone who was also trying to get their life together, as in their advice wasn’t theoretical, they were walking their talk. I knew from Kris, also a child of divorce, that his advice to me was not hot air – he was applying it to his own life. This is so rare, even in therapy, it is rare to have a therapist who is in the process of therapy themselves. And after experiencing both kinds of therapists, I knew the difference. When I started applying his advice to my life, I was getting results almost immediately. From that moment, I wanted to learn more – what was he doing, what was he learning and how could I learn the same thing and apply it to my life?
Opposition from family and friends
Whilst facing my challenges, trauma and my personal demons has been hard, by far the biggest obstacles I have had to face have been my family and so-called friends. For most of my childhood and adult life, I have been so dependent on what my family and friends think of me and what I do, often at the expense of my well-being. Since a dramatic and messy divorce between my parents over a few years in my teens, I have sought attention and validation to feed a deep insecurity in myself. My needs as a human were always secondary to what my parents wanted and I have been left with huge issues of dependency as a result of never knowing how to truly put myself, my growth and my development first.
This started at the age of 12 when my parents would have raging arguments during their divorce, until they each moved abroad when I was 15, leaving me to live with relatives. My parents abandoned their responsibility to be stable, mature and positive influences to me in my troubled teens and instead, I would only see them for an average of a week every 6 months. Without effective parenting and leadership, I started going off the rails and went through a lot of challenges and trauma on my own. I started going to therapy when I was 17 because I was so starved for attention and validation that I didn’t know the basics, like what it means to extend and earn trust.
I reached a point in my life in my mid-20s when I could no longer neglect caring for myself to meet the needs of my family and friends and I could no longer ignore the fact that even though I pretended I was fine on the surface, I felt angry, broken and empty underneath. No one in my life had cared enough for me to help me to understand myself at the core of my own value, what I care about, what matters to me, and to not chop and change based on what others think of me. Until Lighthouse.
My relationships at Lighthouse are unlike any others that I had, and for good reason. After first becoming involved at Lighthouse, for a few months when I would share with friends or family what I was learning about myself and the principles of maturing and becoming healthier as a human being, I was shocked that I wasn’t met with support, instead I was met with judgement or they would prefer to make small talk. I was craving deep, meaningful, intellectually and emotionally stimulating conversations about life and love but I couldn’t have those conversations with my friends or my family. If I tried to, at best they would be sympathising or nodding along with a “that’s nice for you”, or at worst they would start arguing with me. A noticeable rift emerged between me and some family members and what I believed to be friends.
It was then that I learned that, no matter how much a friend or family member told me that they loved me and cared for me, if they could not trust me to make decisions for myself then I didn’t really have a relationship with them. It seemed that instead they liked who I was before I started working on myself, no matter how depressed, unhealthy or broken down or dependent on others I was before I started healing because it suited them. If I didn’t grow up, they didn’t have to grow up. If I didn’t take responsibility, they didn’t need to take responsibility. If I didn’t challenge them, they could carry on getting significance from my being vulnerable and impulsive. The idea that your family and friends love you no matter what and want the best for you is a myth. If they are not regenerating with you, they want the best for you as long as you make them look good and it suits their idea of themselves.
No matter how much time I spent telling my family all that I was getting from mentoring, how much Lighthouse was helping me recover from illness, how much I was now caring for the child in me who was still so wounded from divorce, how much I was trying to take responsibility for acting out and being toxic to others, no matter what I said to them, it always came down to them objecting to the money I had invested in myself and my healing. It was always as if money or the ability to get a mortgage one day or save for retirement despite not even being in my 30s was more important than healing in any of these painful and debilitating areas. Truly, if money is more important to members of a family than having a healthy daughter or a healthy sister then that gives more cause for Lighthouse to exist than anything.
The more that I started facing problems head-on, not shying away from honest conversations, and facing where family and friends needed to take responsibility as well, the more opposition I received. And this was not based exclusively on what I was learning at Lighthouse but from many other sources, books, therapy, documentaries, studies, interviews with experts in relationships, etc. In fact, the first time I confronted my parents and wrote them letters was when I was in therapy when I was 17, so this wasn’t new for me or them.
In the book Toxic Parents by Susan Forward PhD (leading psychiatrist in her field), Dr Forward advises that the process of confronting parents courageously for your painful past is an essential and empowering part of healing. Dr Forward writes: “Children who are not encouraged to do, to try, to explore, to master, and to risk failure, often feel helpless and inadequate. Over-controlled by anxious, fearful parents, these children often become anxious and fearful themselves. This makes it difficult for them to mature. Many never outgrow the need for ongoing parental guidance and control. As a result, their parents continue to invade, manipulate, and frequently dominate their lives.” This describes the experience I have had in adulthood at the hands of family members, particularly certain female family members, trying to dominate and control my life and where for many years until recently, I allowed them. Dr Forward also writes that toxic parents will not accept any external reality that challenges their beliefs or the agreed upon rules of “the family system”. In my case, holding my family accountable for their behaviour has been met with nothing but resistance, deception, denial and blame shifting, exactly as Dr Forward describes.
If it was THIS difficult to have progressive conversations as a family, if my family members were THIS resistant to me growing up and no longer being the baby and finally maturing out of dependency, then it was no wonder that I had been struggling in so many areas of my life. And it was no wonder that I needed to come to somewhere like Lighthouse to start making sense of my life. At the time, people at Lighthouse were the only ones who also understood this. They experienced the same things – people they had known their whole lives who they naturally grew away from or started locking horns with when they started working on themselves and dealing with their fallibilities and iniquities.
Standing up for myself
I started going through a very painful process of facing some of my biggest challenges and the areas of my psyche, my health and well-being that I was the most in denial of, including my health. When I met Lighthouse, I’d had 2 surgeries for a colorectal disease which I could barely verbalise – I struggled to say why I was sick because I was so embarrassed, so worried about being judged and didn’t want to draw attention to a defect in myself. I was in denial of my own illness and there were many other areas of my life that I had denied, justified and minimised, but I could not twist the fabric of reality – the more I was ignoring my problems, the bigger they got. The people at Lighthouse could see my suffering and they helped me to stand up for myself, to look at all the areas of myself where I was suffering and didn’t want to look, to deal with the problems I had head-on. For instance, after my father hurled verbal abuse at me five days after my sixth surgery in March 2021, it was the people at Lighthouse who picked me up off the floor and got me safely into a hotel, helped me to rebuild my life and finally look at the toxicity that has existed in my family for many years. After years of saying “I’m fine”, I could finally say “you know what, I really need help, I’m suffering”. And the physical healing that has come through this has been absolutely extraordinary. I have gone from having a potentially lifelong disease to being given the all-clear, no longer needing to dress my wounds daily and no longer suffering from chronic pain every day.
The Predatory Trolling and The Press
It has been an absolute shock to me that family and so-called friends, in the name of love, care and wanting the best for me, have been so entitled, unempathetic, unsupportive, ignorant, impatient and controlling when it comes to me and how I choose to live my life. It has been a greater shock to me that many of them would hate to be proved wrong in their ridiculous and false delusions that Lighthouse is a scam all because I invested money in the care I am receiving. They would rather see me fail in my investment in myself, even taking an active part in trying to ensure that I do fail than support me to succeed.
The accusations made against Lighthouse online and in the press have broken my heart because everything has been twisted and taken out of context and has been used to manipulate people away from the support they need to heal as I needed. If I had listened to what was written in the press, or online, or what I was getting from all sides of my family about Lighthouse being a scam (with no evidence), I would still be suffering from illness and I would still be battling deep insecurities and depression. And although I have been deeply stressed and affected by this at times, what has kept me at Lighthouse has been the truth.
The Support I Have Received
My family told me that when Lighthouse was done extracting money out of me that they would leave me on the side of the road and I would have nothing and no one. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I have received far more than I have put in, time, money and effort. People at Lighthouse have paid for my rent for a 1 bed flat for 6 months when I couldn’t cover it myself because I needed to prioritise my physical healing, they have spent hours on the phone with me giving me advice for every challenge in my life, helping me cover my costs out of their own pockets, sharing with me all they had to give, keeping nothing selfishly for themselves, they have opened their homes to me. It has never been about money because if it was, I believe they would have made far more by now. It has always been about community, caring for one another, learning together and truly healing. The people at Lighthouse are not perfect and have made mistakes for sure, but they have always put people and relationships first which means that the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health and well-being of a person and their relationships are paramount.
Lighthouse never pressured me in my finances, my decisions to create some much-needed space away from toxic members of my family, or my faith. Kris Deichler suggested I read the Gospel of Matthew during Covid when I was struggling like many thousands and millions were across the world. Every discussion around God, Jesus Christ and the Bible has been an organic and honest exploration like any other discussion around the big questions. In this exploration, I could accept that whilst I had been hurt a lot in life, I had also caused a lot of hurt. The Bible taught me about forgiveness, taking responsibility and making my wrongs right. Without that, I would be doomed to be a victim, always blaming someone else rather than accepting that if I do not truly reform where I have caused hurt then I will just end up repeating the same abuse I have endured onto others in my own twisted ways. It was the Bible and faith in Jesus Christ as my saviour which showed me how I can be redeemed from the hell of self-abuse I was living and perpetuating.
There is no part of me that feels uncomfortable about becoming a Christian during my tenure at Lighthouse. In fact, I am absolutely delighted that in this secular and godless world that they were open to exploring the reality and truth of the Bible and how it can be backed up with hard evidence and logic. I have personally fallen in love with apologetics off the back of this and now have a love of Biblical archaeology which fills me with deep appreciation and awe of God and a growing certainty in the truth of the Bible. This extends way beyond Lighthouse.
4 years down the road at Lighthouse, I am now; Christian, an ex-smoker, sober, drug and narcotic-free, an ex-gambler, illness/ fistula free, healing, healthy, abstinent, a reforming sinner, growing in true security, humility and gratitude in God, growing into a mature grown adult, part of a loving community, part of a wonderful local church, clear in my God-given purpose to serve those who are less fortunate and vulnerable than myself. I owe Lighthouse and the community here my life for everything they have supported me through to grow into who I am today. Anyone who would prefer me for who I was before beginning this journey is either ignorant or cruel and I pray for them both.
What Lighthouse Global means to me and why I am compelled to write this testimony
I am writing this testimony because I want to be heard and heard clearly. Ultimately, Paul S. Waugh and Lighthouse Global as a collective have saved my life, I mean this literally and figuratively. There is no doubt, no uncertainty, and no exaggeration and I will present and back up my reasons for stating this.
What I am going to share in this testimony, is very personal information about my life and I am compelled to do this because I will not stand by and watch an exceptionally small group of deeply unwell, toxic, hateful, bullying tyrants try to take down Lighthouse Global. If you are not familiar with the hate-filled smear campaign against Lighthouse then please read here for some background.
Lighthouse Global is not just a research community, this is a caring haven, to find safety and begin healing from narcissistic abuse inflicted by toxic, coercive/manipulative birth families, who either initiated and/or are involved in a two-year smear campaign against us. At times our work has literally been life-saving. There are associates here at Lighthouse Global who had previously attempted suicide and through the community support here, are not only the opposite of suicidal but are now helping others too with the same experience. Some people were still being abused by their own birth family well into their 20s and 30s and have finally found the courage and strength to be able to confront and remove these abusers from their lives. I was one of those who was able to do this with the support of the Lighthouse Global community.
And that is why we are here right?! When I first heard these accusations, yes it was a surprise because it wasn’t even close to what I have experienced, but in hindsight, it was inevitable, that when a child dares to shake up the dysfunctional order of the toxic birth family, depending on the levels of toxicity in that family, there will be hell to pay for that family member, and the very people supporting that family member (in this case, Lighthouse Global). I still struggle to understand how someone who gave birth to you or slept in the same room or bed, or whom you have told the most intimate secrets, could be psychopathically determined to destroy your interests, and your future and ultimately, harm and maim you. I still haven’t come to terms with it but here we are.
Why Lighthouse Global must stand strong in the face of this persecution
To become a Lighthouse Global Associate Partner, is not some run-of-the-mill job. We work 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year. We support people with families, with children, who are in serious distress at times, desperate, lost, vulnerable and completely alone, most often, being attacked by their own birth families just as we are now.
This whole experience has been and is incredibly distressing because after my many years of intense personal development work, many sacrifices, such as losing a monthly income and working 7 days a week on an average of 15 hours a day, advanced levels of education and study, navigating the difficulties of building community whilst supporting people in various levels of vulnerability and strife, I would never think we would have to take this route to ensure we protect ourselves, our families, our interests and investments.
So why go through this distress? Why not just walk away? I’ve gone through a minimum of 20 years of primary and tertiary education, I have been employed by others, been self-employed and have had an expansive variety of life experiences but there has been absolutely nothing that comes close to the commitment, the dedication, the trust, the time, money and the effort I have invested into myself and the Lighthouse Global pioneering research community. This pioneering research has discovered why human beings do not and cannot follow through on the personal development work needed to achieve their goals. I have given 12 years of my life, every single day, Monday through to Sunday, with at least eight of those whilst I was working full-time, to build what we have here. I would invest thousands of hours and pounds again, without hesitation, because of what Lighthouse Global stands for: the development of God-given, human potential and healthy relationships and family.
Our research on God-given human potential has produced extensive and lucrative applicable results which I am proud to have been involved in and most importantly, to have applied in my own life to nurture and develop my God-given potential. I for sure, would and could never allow a handful of demented people to try to put an end to our work. There is too much to lose!
What I cannot afford is to lose the opportunity to serve children in the way I have been helped. I could not live with myself knowing that our pioneering work is supporting and has the potential to support children globally to receive an upbringing, which I will elaborate on later in this testimonial. Alongside helping children, I want to continue to work closely with parents who want to learn what parenting is so they can diligently prepare their children for the mayhem and chaos that is ensuing on our earth right now. This is not just my livelihood they are trying to take down, it is my duty, my responsibility as a Christian, as a human being, and as a woman.
Ultimately, I would be losing the very meaning and purpose in life I am only now, at 40 years old, starting to come to find. I finally know how I am supposed to be using my life, which is something I have desperately wanted to know since the death of my birth dad nearly seven years ago.
One of the biggest sacrifices I have made has been my childbearing years, to put my attention into Lighthouse Global and my own healing. Instead of having my own children, I am dedicated to helping other people’s children, those who are being abused and those needing parenting.
-One in four young adults (25.3%) had been severely maltreated during childhood.
-Around one in five (18.6%) children aged 11-17 have been severely maltreated.
-One in nine young adults (11.5%) had experienced severe physical violence during childhood at the hands of an adult.
-Nearly a quarter of young adults (24.1%) experienced sexual abuse (including contact and non-contact) by an adult or by a peer during childhood.
-One in six children aged 11-17 (16.5%) have experienced sexual abuse.
This is what every single one of these predatory trolls does not want to or can even grasp, their lies, their abuse of us, has not only taken a great deal of our time, attention, money and effort to refute but has taken the same away from children. I come from a toxic birth family (both immediate and extended) and I have young first cousins right now, who are being neglected and toxically affected by their unstable birth parents. I intend to invest in Lighthouse Global programs that will give them a chance at life, through receiving an upbringing. I cannot do this if I do not have the support community, the resources, and the leadership to follow through on this intention.
And investing is not just financial, it is also time and effort. In the last two years, we have had to spend hours of time, sacrificing financial income, sleep and our physical health at points, to ensure we were at the very least defending ourselves if not on the offensive to these attacks. That of course is not sustainable, and intentions I had last year to invest in a young girl, were impacted by this whole ordeal. That cannot happen again. We cannot afford for young people or anyone seeking help, to miss out on the opportunity to be parented and supported merely because they can’t invest themselves or because people like me cannot reach them because we are so overwhelmed trying to defend ourselves against malevolent smear campaigns.
What happened in my childhood that meant I needed the support of the Lighthouse Global community?
I am born to first-generation immigrants who came to this country during an extremely hostile time. They lived hand to mouth in abject poverty and were focused solely on surviving with parents who worked multiple jobs just to put food on the table.
This meant that my parents received not much more than a domestic pet would..food, water, shelter and some entertainment once in a while. These were not two people even remotely fit to bring up children of their own, they were severely traumatised, broken, highly narcissistic and still living in survival mode when my sister and I came along. They most certainly could not bring up children, namely in giving us a healthy upbringing, because how could they, when they had not received one themselves?!
What this meant was, inevitably, that I was narcissistically abused. My entire life was controlled by my domineering, bullying birth mother who would take out her rage and wrath on everyone, particularly myself. I couldn’t eat, sing, play or express how I truly felt without being criticised, without being made to feel there was something wrong with me. My birth dad was emotionally unavailable, passive and reinforced and enabled her abuse. Because I looked up to my birth dad, I subconsciously believed I somehow deserved this abuse because he condoned and endorsed it.
So, for 18 years, I grew up..physically. I got older in age, my body changed, and I looked different, but I wasn’t parented. There wasn’t a sitting down to do homework together, there wasn’t any interest in my God-given potential to create, and there was no nurture or attention given to my spiritual, emotional and mental health and well-being. To be frank, it was more of a down bringing, for years my natural, childlike glee became muted, and I became a shell of the smiley, warm, affectionate, caring child that had been born into the world. Many Lighthouse Global associates could share similar horror stories, hence the desperate need for the support community that Lighthouse Global provides.
What is an upbringing and what were some of the consequences of not receiving one?
I must stress this because it is not even close to being taken seriously enough by humanity. If we do not know what an upbringing is, what it looks like, and what its aim is… we should not be having children. It is that crucial, that critical and that vital. The consequences of this can be catastrophic to human life and we have discovered this here at Lighthouse Global through 18-plus years of research on the human being and our God-given potential. We have seen in our own personal lives and the lives of those we support, that an upbringing and the role of family, have been extensively compromised and violated.
I can state categorically that I had no idea what the word ‘upbringing’ even meant until I joined Lighthouse Global. My understanding is that an upbringing is a dedicated process of volitional parenting, which means, mentoring, coaching and counselling a child to develop the character, competence and tools needed to become an effective problem solver. An upbringing ought to prepare a child for life through the nurture of a continually developing character, rooted in fundamental values and principles and this process never stops; it is not some obligation between ages 0-18, it is ongoing and is pivotal and life-defining for a child.
So, it was no surprise, that as I did not receive this, I left my house, bound for university in my penultimate teenage years, quiet and retiring but full of rage, highly anxious, which showed as constant defensiveness, dangerously gullible, vulnerable and unable to say no to anyone. I was completely underdeveloped, unequipped and easy pickings for predators.
How and why did I commit to joining Lighthouse Global?
I discovered a love of photography after university, and although I realise now, I used the camera as something to hide behind and a way to escape from the trauma and pain of my childhood, it would lead me to take a catalytic step into finally starting to live rather than this dark existence I had become accustomed to.
I had decided that I would like to start a photography business and as the British Library held resources to research business acumen, I visited it a handful of times. On my last visit, I looked at a noticeboard and saw a post. It said the name Adam Wallis and it intrigued me because it spoke about pre-start-up support. That was exactly what I was looking for! I needed guidance for starting up a business and at the time, I thought I would receive the same tips and techniques I received elsewhere…but I could not have been more wrong!
The first phone call with Adam was surreal, he asked me questions I had never been asked…what were my dreams, what if I could achieve them? I was stunned and intrigued, not excited yet, but very curious. Intrigued and curious enough to decide to invest in me to become a Lighthouse Global Associate Partner. I invested as much money as I could raise which was no small feat, as at that time I was working in a civil service role and paying rent for a flat in London on my own. I didn’t value it then, but investing in myself has been one of the most life-changing experiences. Why? Because what you say to yourself when you invest your time, your money, and effort in yourself is: I matter, I am worth this and I won’t give up on myself, no matter what I may have believed to the contrary.
What has it felt like to be invested in by Daniel Schmitz and Jeffrey Leigh-Jones?
One of the most fundamental defining aspects of Lighthouse Global is community. We are a community through and through, we have each other’s backs like nowhere else I have seen. I first learnt this when I needed help to complete my associate partner fee and after my birth family refused to help, Daniel, here at Lighthouse Global, invested in me. Chris Nash was the person who made this happen, without my knowledge, he had spent hours of time, when he could have been earning an income for himself, to support Daniel in raising further investment that I could put towards my associate fee. I was stunned and so touched, I couldn’t help but sob with appreciation. I believe, even though I had been mentored for some time, through this investment in me, I truly felt I had someone in my corner, who was entrusting me with this gift to make something of my life and who believed I was worth it. I had felt like an outsider, a weirdo and odd all of my life because I didn’t think like my birth family, I didn’t think like most people and the judgements and criticism I had received, reinforced my already deep insecurities. But this! It made me feel seen and no longer alone.
The second person to invest in me, was Jeffrey Leigh-Jones, one of the people now involved in this toxic smear campaign. At the time, I remember that he called me out of the blue, and told me he would also invest in me. It was a heartfelt, moving and incredibly poignant phone call because Jeffrey and I both had a love of nature and sailing and had spoken about going on a sailing trip one day. Because of the connection and warmth I felt from him, I shared openly with him that his investment meant so much to me because I would be able to help young girls who had gone through my experiences and were lost, vulnerable and without guidance and support. He didn’t expect me to tell him that, he was almost speechless. From what I felt at the time, he was deeply touched, not knowing that his investment would mean so much to another person. But before we left the call, I told him as much, I told him what it meant. He shared that he was very happy to be able to help in this way and that he was looking forward to our work together in supporting each other’s aims in life. When I subsequently saw him in September 2021, there were no words spoken as we embraced, we were looking forward to what opportunities would arise through this investment and so with where we are now, it really hurts my heart to believe that this could have just been a show, that his heart really was not in this with me truly.
I want to make it clear here that not one member of my birth family has invested in my growth and development, not one. In fact, my birth mother stole the inheritance my birth dad had wanted to go to my sister and I. It was his dying wish and not only did she refuse to invest in me, she also found a way to ensure I could not further invest in myself further. This further betrayal was the beginning of the end for the very frail relationship we had.
What I have had to sacrifice to make Lighthouse Global work and why have I stayed at Lighthouse Global
There has been something I have come to learn over these last two years, every single one of those involved in this smear campaign, has suffered very little and sacrificed even less certainly when it comes to Lighthouse Global.
We catered to them in order to ensure they could be as involved as possible, whether that was cutting audios of calls they could listen to or ensuring they had every opportunity to share their reflections and we even had sessions specifically spent on answering their questions. We did everything to accommodate and support them after they made their own decision, of sound mind, to invest and join us at Lighthouse Global.
The core team, those who had already given an average of 10 years to building Lighthouse Global, have made huge sacrifices and struggled financially, not for minutes, hours, days or even weeks, it was like this for years at a time!
When I decided to put my total and full attention on my associateship to become a full-time mentor and a coach in 2019, the shock of going from a regular income of over £1,000 to a few hundred pounds a month, if that, was exceptionally hard. And then I had to think about accommodation.
By the grace of God, before the Covid pandemic started to take hold, Paul Waugh organised a home for nine people and invested a whole year’s worth of rent, to keep us together, to keep us safe and for us to work. After transitioning out of full-time employment and giving up an annual income of £25,000, I needed this safe house to live in, away from the city where I could build my life. He also had his own home and family to fund but he took this responsibility of his own volition, caring for the welfare of each person individually and collectively. Where does this ever happen?! I do not know of one person at Lighthouse Global whose birth family has ever done this for them.
It doesn’t stop there, for almost the entire year of 2021, I had to go to the Lighthouse Global community every month to help me pay my share of the rent and I mean every single month because I just wasn’t able to make ends meet! For someone who had led a very small and therefore controllable world, where I had set it up so I didn’t have to ask anyone for anything, this was an incredibly stressful period. I could not go to take my Godchild out, who I adore, as I used to and the basics of self-care maintenance, like haircuts, were relegated back to me. When friends or certain family members asked me when they were going to be able to see me, I couldn’t tell them I didn’t have the money to meet them. How could I tell them at nearly 40 years old, I could just about contribute to basic food shopping?!
So again, you may ask, why put yourself through all of this? Why stay here at Lighthouse Global if it has been that tough?
I could not have answered this question as well as I can now about 2 years ago. When I finally confronted my birth mother about her abuse of me and realised she was extremely toxic, I found it so repulsive and deeply disturbing because I knew that this was a common experience for many of the associates here and the people I was supporting. The levels of toxicity within individuals and families are so high, that most people do not stand a chance of living a healthy, well-rounded life. Once I knew this, I knew I had to get as healthy as possible and through the community here, provide surrogate parenting to as many people as I could so they had an opportunity to use their God-given potential to, at a minimum, take care of themselves and their families, in the best way they could.
I would never walk away from the privilege of being able to pay forward the priceless support, love, care, friendships and education I have received here..never.
How Lighthouse Global helped me to come to Christ
I want to clarify the reason why I say Paul Waugh and the Lighthouse Global community have saved my life, because after years of searching for absolute truth, for reality, Paul supported us in coming to know Christ. After many years of making important developments to my character and competence, I truly started to transform when I came to know Christ. I am talking about massive major differences in my character. Major addictions I had for years started to fall away, and I was able to start to heal my unresolved trauma because I felt secure for the first time in my life, in Christ.
How has this malevolent smear campaign and predatory trolling impacted me
I spoke earlier about how it hurt my heart to discover that what I felt was a genuine connection between myself and Jeffrey Leigh-Jones, was possibly just a show. But to be frank, I am really putting it mildly. It has taken me many years, through the priceless love and care I have received at Lighthouse Global, to be able to open my heart again and share vulnerably with anyone. It has taken just as long to be able to hug other people genuinely as this to me is a very personal act.
Almost every one of the predatory trolls, have heard me share openly on the calls, we have exchanged hugs and one of them even stayed in my home. I do not take this lightly, these are massive steps for me and us in the community, as we moved away from our birth families, to heal, we have started to build a healthy family and we believed they were part of it.
To then hear some of the vicious, falsified or distorted allegations they have made absolutely disgusts me. Their attacks on Lighthouse Global have been relentless, desperate, fervent and profoundly evil and really have not helped in rebuilding the very fragile trust I have in human beings. If it was not for Christ and learning to trust that He knows why we are going through what we are, I don’t know how I would have been able to face and go through these last two years.
It has become very clear over time that resentment, bitterness and malice in the heart, can make people make really detrimental and poor decisions which impact the most vulnerable. I do pray, as does this whole community, that through our prayer, they come to repentance and heal from their toxicity and transform through Christ.
How has Lighthouse Global supported me to help vulnerable people
I want to share a testimony from an 18-year-old girl I work with who was severely neglected and physically and emotionally abused by her malignantly toxic birth mother:
Mentoring has helped me by being able to talk to Stasia and help me get to know myself better. It’s helped me to know what my problems were and how to fix them. It also taught me a way to develop coping skills for things which cannot be changed. I was also able to understand what I wanted to do in the future and how I was going to do it. I was able to get advice from Stasia about the situation between me and my mum and why it was like that as well. I was able to know how to deal with toxic people. I understand myself more by getting to know why I act the way I act sometimes due to my trauma. Stasia was able to understand that because she went through the same thing.
I could not have helped this 18-year-old firstly without Christ and secondly without the help from the community to address my narcissistic damage. The reality is this girl is one of the billions of children in our world, abused in every type of way. I can’t help them all, I need the Lighthouse Global community to develop young leaders who can become exceptional problem solvers and meaningful contributors to the world. I know at the age of 40 years old, my meaning and purpose are to ensure, as many children receive a healthy upbringing which starts with their foundation being rooted in Christ’s example and developing good character, fortitude and a life vision.
In addition to this testimony, please see further reviews of the support I have been able to give to other females because of the support I have received through the Lighthouse community. It is important to note three of these females have come from toxic families:
1. Client ‘E’: Testimonial
She has been absolutely incredible. She has made me realise so much about myself that I didn’t even realise. She actually listens and remembers things which you’ve got to always appreciate. I love the fact she sends texts during the week in between sessions so there isn’t just a week’s gap between us talking. I couldn’t recommend anyone better!
2. Client ‘R1’: Testimonial
Stasia deserves 10 stars. Her energy is amazing, and since speaking with her she has really helped me see life differently. She is patient with me which I appreciate and her way of speaking and explaining is great. I would recommend Stasia to anyone who is feeling lost, and unsure of what to do with life as she made me feel as though I do have a purpose and I can’t thank her enough. 10/10 for sure
3. Client ‘A’: Testimonial
Stasia has been a great help. We clicked straight away and she made me feel comfortable instantly. Not only is Stasia accommodating and thoughtful, and she is able to give real-life practical examples, this is great as the work we have been doing over the last month is not just theory and what-ifs but also involves learning to cope and manage real-life feelings. Stasia is helping me with my self-confidence and helping me learn how to deal with feelings of grief in a much healthier way and I would recommend Stasia to anyone looking for similar support.
4. Client ‘R2’: Testimonial
Stasia is great to work with. She is understanding and very relatable. She gives you a chance to express your feelings and provides valuable insight and guidance. I feel very comfortable with Stasia and she is helping me to develop my confidence and form new habits and ways of thinking that I am working to put into action.
Why Lighthouse Global is needed in our world
Our work is needed more than ever; children are being left to the wolves, young men and older men are killing themselves in droves and so are teenagers. I could not live with myself if Lighthouse Global was to be no more because I know, after our intensive pioneering research, we can really help people make life-changing decisions in line with their God-given potential and their needs and wants.
A healthy family is extremely rare and even rarer within a research community. We have a healthy family here within Lighthouse Global and that is no accident, we have painstakingly built this research community with our focus on people and relationships.
It is glaringly obvious that the institution of ‘family’ is under attack in our world and that attack is increasing in intensity, which is why Lighthouse Global is on the defensive and offensive because we cannot afford to let tyrants win when the lives of children and our investments and interests are at stake. Lighthouse Global must continue to lead the way in pioneering the nurture and development of the God-given potential of human beings to produce benefactors who can contribute impactfully and meaningfully to our world.
Please do connect with me on Twitter and comment there or on this article, I’d love to hear from you…
I want to use my personal testimony to explain why being mentored for the last 6 years at Lighthouse Global has helped me to make a prolific change in my life, working through literally life and death situations. It is something I would definitely do again despite the ups and downs, although when I first started mentorship I had no clue about my life as I knew it would completely change for the better when I decided to reach out for help from Lighthouse. Given those who I have around me now to support me, I am able to stand up to the abuse and abusers in my own life and family. Paul Waugh, Chris Nash and Jai Singh have helped me develop security and confidence in myself that I never had before. It’s so important to have people in our lives who are there supporting us no matter what, but also to point out where we can improve and look at reality, to support our essential growth.
“Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness.” -2 Corinthians 9:10
Growing up I heard my parents say I was loved but their actions did not match those words. My mother was depressed and my father was dating another woman, so my twin sister and I were left to our own devices. I was bullied by both my sister, who took on a domineering role to have control over me, as well as my father (when he decided to visit). I was therefore always seeking attention because I felt abandoned and hurt, feeling so small. It was the same throughout school, where I felt that I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I didn’t want to be challenged or bullied and kept a very small circle of friends.
I learned to put on this big show of bravado, trying to numb the pain of not having a role model and not being taught how to properly function in social situations. I was bullied badly at school because I didn’t fit in with the football or rugby teams, I was sort of a lone wolf so to speak. Only last year I found out my sister had told my mum I was being bullied all those years ago. I tried to get away with the bare minimum because frankly I was so fearful of risk and taking responsibility beneath the bravado, and I didn’t know how to handle confrontation in being scared of the pain of challenges. This confused me and blurred the direction I felt I needed to take in my life. I realise now this is because of never having a true, healthy growing, adult role model.
Because of this, I started reading self-help books trying to find answers to my problems in life. What I was actually searching for was someone I could trust and confide in and no book was going to do that for me. At the age of 22, I met Chris Nash, he became a crucial example, guide and mentor, asking me questions such as “what do you want for your life?” which no one had ever asked me before, they just assumed I knew what I wanted. He was able to challenge me in areas that I was having trouble and difficulty with, regarding my job and especially in my romantic relationship at the time. This all involved me developing the courage to speak up and confront what I was having trouble with, especially with my colleagues and bosses. Through Chris’ empathy, guidance and support he helped me grow in those areas over time, but it hasn’t been by any means easy.
Becoming a Lighthouse Global Associate Partner
Warren Buffet says “the best investment you can make is in yourself” and I believe that to be true. I spent 2 years and £4,000 on becoming a qualified plumber, although I did qualify I was always going to hit a glass ceiling because I didn’t have the discipline and ability to solve the major problems in my life outside my job. I could fix leaks in pipework and people’s houses but I couldn’t fix big holes in my relationships and life. The more I pursued a path of actually fulfilling my potential, my sister once said “Jack you could have been a great plumber”, which shows that she and many more who I associated with at the time have no idea what we as human beings are capable of. There is nothing wrong with plumbing, it’s essential, but my point is when someone wants to make the very most of their life, very few people around us will understand and be able to give us sound advice – even if they’re family. Most people find it strange to invest in themselves because they don’t see themselves as the human asset capable of producing significant value in their lives, they invest in properties and bricks and mortar.
Like many people, I developed a scarcity mindset from my dad that debt is to be feared and never gotten into, EVER. In 2019 Chris presented an opportunity for me to become an Associate Elect Partner of Lighthouse Global. It was a scary time for me to substantially invest in myself but Chris encouraged me through the process to invest in myself for the right reasons. I never felt pressured or coerced as some have accused Lighthouse of doing. Investment in anything is a risk, there are no guarantees, but when that investment doesn’t work out, you have to take responsibility for your choices and that’s what our predatory trolls have not done. So for those who want to invest in themselves to grow and develop, I would recommend doing it, but with caution… the reason I say this is because speaking from experience you will be standing in a room with those who you consider friends and feel like an outsider. Torn between the life you used to have and the one you have now, why? Because if people aren’t growing with you they are moving away from you. I have been spat on, screamed at, bargained and pleaded not to continue my work developing myself. I have only been able to continue for two reasons; first, because God will never give me a challenge that I cannot handle in any area of life, no matter how difficult it is – Christ is the way, the truth and the life and knows the best way for me to go and what trials I can and cannot bear. And second, because I have listened to and used the immense support from Paul Waugh and Chris Nash to grow especially when it got hard. You know that feeling, right? When situations become so unbearable that you think you’re in a living hell? I have had that many times, from my ex-girlfriend cheating on me (in essence because I started growing so she found a replacement for the unhealthy person I used to be). To help me move away from my mum’s house at the age of 25, which kept me infantilised, a mummy’s boy. To Jai Singh and others offering myself and Ed Zapp a place to stay when I really needed it!
Most people waste their potential in life by hoping the barriers in their way will somehow disappear, selling out to a mediocre, seemingly comfortable life. Paul Waugh, Chris Nash and others have stood by me through what most people wouldn’t dare to go through because they truly do care for my well-being, my health and peace of mind. Predatory trolls say Paul Waugh is a con man, he categorically is not. There have been times when I have wanted to ride on the coattails of Paul’s success and he hasn’t let that happen, Paul has encouraged me to take big leaps in my life. For example, when I held my sister accountable for bullying me throughout my life, Paul helped me make it clear to her that she ought to take more responsibility for her life, to consider and apologise for her actions and to see where she was causing damage to not only me, but herself and others. Paul has been supporting me to look at the reality of where I can grow, not to shy away from challenges but to embrace them to grow, like the example I’ve used with my sister here. Con is short for convince, to be a convincing person, well Paul Waugh has convinced me of one thing, that I actually have potential as a human being – and he’s backed it up by suffering through the challenges with me. Contrary to what my dad says “one day you will be somebody,” I know I am somebody through this work of mine through improving and now building my life and foundation on the rock that is Christ with constant support. Christ knew I was someone when I was fighting for my life in an incubator for the first 3 months of my life. Christ knew the man I am becoming through the help of those at Lighthouse.
Lighthouse shutting down would cost so many people the support that I and we provide at Lighthouse to help build a solid foundation in people’s lives, giving them the support they don’t receive elsewhere. I feel with what I have gone through I am now a big brother to many people (both older and younger than me) because I’m able to guide them through difficult life experiences like dealing with death, losing a job, losing a partner… To have that ripped away from others because I can’t be supported would mean people who are in dire straits would not get the life-saving help and support they need. For once in my life I bring healthy, constructive, upbuilding meaning to other people’s lives, fighting in their corner as Paul, Chris, Jai and others have done for me for so many years.
Probably the most important help from Paul, Chris and Lighthouse came recently. When I heard the words “it’s cancer” come out of my mother’s mouth I felt my whole world collapse around me. This really is the hardest situation I have ever had to face in my life, which I was totally unprepared for. The first person I called was Chris, asking for his guidance and support, to which he came out of a meeting to speak to me. He said, “Jack this is an opportunity to honour your mum and your life, to help others with the challenges they are facing through helping people and loved ones with a terminal illness”. It has been difficult admitting that my mum will pass physically. I was stuck in the repetitive thought pattern of her losing her physical life, being petrified and frozen by what I will lose, a mother, so selfishly, rather than looking at the life I can appreciate with her in it, that whatever happens I can and will support her. Paul Waugh kindly extended himself by investing in healthy, organic, good food for my mum to support her health whilst she was struggling through her cancer treatment. Paul has spent the last 3 years, giving at least 5 hours on the phone to me and my Lighthouse Partners every single day to help with different challenges we are going through. If he was charging £100 per hour (which he isn’t) that would equate to over £500,000. Paul works tirelessly to the bone to be able to support me and my partners to grow our characters and others. He has offered me to come to visit him and his family, taking time out of his day to see how I am doing with everything going on with my mum and family. He doesn’t have to do it but he does because he cares more than any other human being I have ever met in my life.
Paul Waugh, Chris Nash, Victoria Bytel, Jai Singh and Asif Valiji have helped me and continue to help me find strength in helping my mum specifically with her appreciation for life and how she can accept her treatments, to not reject them but through them come closer to Christ for her strength. I’m trying to help her have a perspective on her eternal life, rather than what she is currently suffering through her journey with cancer. When mum was diagnosed with cancer, Victoria Bytel and Asif Valiji reached out to me given their experience with fighting cancer (here’s a link to Victoria’s article on cancer healing). I felt understood when speaking with them. It was a breath of fresh air. It hasn’t been easy. There have been times when I’ve been sobbing with my head in my hands and the first people I called were Victoria and Asif. They’ve opened their home up to me on countless occasions, saying “Jack, anytime you want you can stay with us, even if you want somewhere to have some peace through what you are going through.” Now tell me we are a cult, predatory trolls? Tell me how people who at the time barely knew me would do such a thing, to open their home and hearts volitionally to someone, me, who was going through a living hell? That isn’t a cult, it’s a family, the family I never had. I get so frustrated at my birth family members going “Jack, don’t worry, your mum will be okay, she’s strong” when she is clearly suffering. All this time I’m thinking “is no one going to face the elephant in the room here or is it just me?”. I’ve lost sleep over what is happening to my mum, but not anymore, why? Paul Waugh and Chris Nash said to me when I’m feeling rubbish about mum’s situation that I need to appreciate the life we have together, the time we share here while she is alive. Real families face reality together. Cults deny reality and ignore problems.
I struggle a lot with coming to Christ to ask for His help. How in the world does someone deal with coming to terms with the nearing death of a loved one? Growing up Catholic, Jesus was a man in the clouds to me and therefore I didn’t really think he was real. When I was on my hands and knees in pain when mum told me the words “it’s cancer” I knew Christ was real, I had nowhere else to turn to. I need truth, not just fluffy stories of “your mum’s going to be okay” because what most people don’t add to that is “she is an eternal being and infinite”. I’ve started to build my understanding and relationship with Christ, which is something I thought I would never say.
My Challenges Against Loving Saboteurs
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” – James 1:2-4
The vast majority of my family members and friends have tried to deter me from my work here at Lighthouse because they see the progress I’m making in standing up for myself in difficult situations, as threatening. They know I will not tolerate my own or their lies. One of my cousins screamed with rage at me down the phone because I wouldn’t listen to his advice of moving back into my parents’ home, saying “I’m going to knock your door down and grab you by the scruff of your neck and take you home.” Sounds like something you’d hear in a cult… I see now that this is because the people who I used to call family and associate with don’t want to understand and appreciate that I am building my character and competence. They would rather me pretend I am doing okay while dying inside having no meaning and purpose to my life. Because they don’t see an immediate financial return they think “Paul Waugh and Lighthouse are taking your money” when that isn’t true! If someone goes to university and pays for a course do they see financial return instantly? No, so it’s the same thing here which I’ve tried to explain countless times. My family and so-called friends feel a change in my character and strength I’ve never had. Because they are intimidated by that, not wanting to look into the crucial and vital areas of truth in their own lives, and not wanting to take responsibility for their wrongs they attempt to push me down and stop me from doing this meaningful work. But in their attempts to try to see me fail I have held them all accountable for their actions, helping them recognise what they are doing is actually very cruel and I won’t stand for that behaviour, not in them or myself.
The Predatory Trolling of 2.5 Years Has Helped Me Grow More Than I Ever Thought Possible
What‘s helped me to grow massively (which might seem like a surprise) is the predatory trolling we have experienced these past 2 and a half years because I have learned that despite what people write, I know what is true and what isn’t.
Given these attacks, I’m recognising that no matter what someone does, or tries, in order to break me down I can stand for reality and truth, even if they refuse and can’t see it themselves. I can also help others through challenges, and to not run away like the coward I used to be. On one occasion in 2022 I was supporting my brothers in Christ, Jai and Sukh Singh to hold their abusive mother to account for spreading lies about them and us in the media. As I posted on Twitter about my support for them both, Jon Breen, a convicted cyber stalker tried to break my terminally ill mother down by saying “Jack, why aren’t you supporting your terminally ill mother”. When I heard about this I held him firmly accountable.
There is nothing that these trolls won’t do to try and inflict damage onto us here at Lighthouse including our birth families. Lurking in the shadows, waiting for an opportunity to attempt to cause significant damage to others.
M. Scott Peck once said “Evil is that which kills spirit. …It is possible to kill or attempt to kill one of these attributes without actually destroying the body. Thus we may “break” a horse or even a child without harming a hair on its head.”
These predatory trolls are anonymous murderers. Despite the experiences I have had with these predatory trolls, I pray they heal, to love my enemies as God commanded Christians to do (although I find it extremely hard sometimes). I think “if I hate those who persecute me I’m just as bad as they are trying to destroy me and my life!”
God Is THE Source of Happiness & Joy
What strikes me most is where I was before joining Lighthouse and where I am now. I was living for the weekend, being so desperate to subconsciously escape reality and fit in I would get consumed in loud music and narcotics, and many people would see that as normal, which is terrifying as to the reality of people seeking pleasure to avoid suffering which leads to obedience. I was seeking pleasure and fulfilment in everything but God, who is the true source of happiness and joy. I still struggle with wanting to go and have a good time, partying hard with alcohol because of the gratification that bought me back then. I’m learning that to have a truly good time actually starts from inside myself, not an external source. It’s hard every single day to not go back to what is easy, but through my trials and tribulations, I’ve grown huge strength with Christ to be responsible to look after my mum and family whilst my mum is going through a terminal illness, mainly in the areas of looking at what is painful to face. I was sitting with some of my family members at a restaurant speaking about mum and thinking “we can’t just skim over and ignore the fact that she will pass soon”. So I brought up the question “what are we going to all do about mum when she does pass over?” My cousin replied “isn’t that a bit deep?” to which I turned around and said “It’s not deep, it’s real. If your mum was dying wouldn’t you want to know how we could all come together to support her? It’s the same situation here. If you don’t like being a part of this conversation you can remove yourself from the table and let us all speak about this.” I could never have asked that question without the support of Christ present, with all of my family members sitting around the table there.
Over the last 3 years, I have financially invested a substantial amount in myself, in my mentoring, in our research and in the community here. The process of me growing to be able to take on and learn through challenging situations and hardships has taken longer than I initially thought. But I never realised how much I desperately needed a healthy solid and stable foundation of fortitude and courage to work through seemingly insurmountable challenges and the crucial and vital essentials of a healthy upbringing that I never received in my childhood. Only through the support of everyone at Lighthouse am I able to grasp what a healthy upbringing is. An upbringing to me is a volitional extension of oneself to help someone become an adult problem solver. Someone who welcomes problems, not someone who runs away from them, which is the example I had growing up. If I had to do everything again I would do it, for the experience, the life lessons, the peaks and troughs, everything!
Lighthouse’s Extension For My Growth Into Becoming a Young Man
Chris Nash has invested in me prolifically, along with Jai Singh and Victoria Bytel investing thousands of pounds into me and my development when I couldn’t afford to invest in myself. Lighthouse Global is by no means a scam, and by that, I mean what the predatory trolls think, that Lighthouse and Paul Waugh take money without helping someone build their lives when that isn’t true! Those who have left weren’t willing to face the reality of their inadequacy in dealing with challenges in their own lives despite the help and guidance they received. Lighthouse Global is a community of people who are willing to challenge me and anyone else on their perceived reality and others don’t understand that, I wish they would, quite frankly it would make my life a lot easier. But people are willing to be and stay ignorant if that doesn’t fit their perceived “reality”, it’s easier to believe the lie that “we are okay” rather than look at the suffering inherent in growth, pointing out where we make mistakes and have some perceptions that are outright flawed, much like many of mine are and were which is changing.
Through Lighthouse I have majorly improved my life. With the daily support of Jai Singh and Chris Nash, I am developing a deeper and richer character and competence than I ever thought possible. I’m so thankful to be on this journey with my partners who I consider family, more so than the seemingly loving but actually destructive family who has tried to deter me from getting the essential upbringing I have truly needed to find true joy and peace. I now have the integrity to help others improve their lives, with Christ guiding me to be a role model to others.
Although being an Associate Partner is no walk in the park, I research and learn about people, myself, and my potential and am encouraged to work towards success. By “success” I mean understanding and growing my levels of self-awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination to help others and myself create value in my life every single day, with and for others as well as myself to get to a place of never having to say no to a child where I ought to say yes, both the child in me and those children out there in the world who are suffering an unimaginable reality. For those children who are dying of toxic water, screaming out in pain for their lives, alone, without shelter, food and proper sanitation, receiving no education with their family members in the same damning hell-like situation, God bless them.
Through everything that I have been through, the struggles, the late nights, the frustration, the ups and downs I am now in a position where I am supporting others through their loss and grievances, drug addiction, alcoholism, building healthy relationships and helping them take responsibility in their lives. There is no way 3 years ago I thought I would have gone through this much, let alone be in a position to be responsible for other people’s lives. I have gone from wanting to receive validation from my dad through building, in a job I started to hate into a growing young man with meaning and purpose, helping people out of situations similar to what I was in. I cannot put a price on the support and love I have received from all of those at Lighthouse, who I consider my brothers and sisters. What I and we do can’t be fit into a box, nor written out in a job description, because it’s the essence of our characters and our life experience that shines through, where we help and have been helped.
This is my personal testimony and I would be happy to answer any questions you may have about what I have written.